he said, she said

She said:

There's no words anymore

He said:

It's all been said anyway

She said:

I don't feel respected anymore

He said:

You don't have respect for me

She said:

I wonder what else there is

He said:

I'm too tired to think about anything

She said:

I guess this is the end

He said:

You said it.

She said:

Why are we not really sad?

He said:

We have been over this so many times

She said:

I miss what I remember

He said:

I remember what I miss

She said:

Give me some space please

He said:

I'm fully spaced out.

She said:

So now what do we do?

He said:

I want the stereo

She said:

I'm staying here

He said:

That's fine I'm going away

She said:

So that's how we stop?

He said:

That's how we start again

She said:

I like to believe it will stop hurting

He said:

I hurt because I stopped believing

She said:

Let's not talk later then

He said:

Later has gone now too.

She said:

At least I'll have some peace

He said:

At least there will be some quiet.

She said:
...
He said:
...

the attention span

Today I'm having a day off. Like you I hit days at times when I think: I need to recharge my batteries and find a quiet place. I have noticed that my attention span, and my energy levels have increasinly become more sensitive and prone to the danger of overloading.

Just before, I decided to have a snooz. By the time I was in bed the siesta desire had passed and instead I found myself immersed in reading "The Thank You Economy" by Gary Vaynerchuk. This guy is so on the ball it's almost painful when you realize so many people are obviously not (no offense). So there's delight they might want to learn how to play too which is a positive outlook.

At times I find myself seeing relations in aspects between many dotted areas. It's when the "aha" kicks in, like having a view of a very large terrain where many activities are going on. What Gary talks about in the TYE and also what I keep finding in my personal and profesional life is that all boils down to Attention. In my case I lost attention for myself this week, I seemed to be predominantly focusing it elsewhere if not ''somewhere". This caused me to lose track on "where I was".

The Attention Span is very much a 'now' thing. Not only does everyone have a far shorter supply then ever before, I notice myself that things are changing at a rapid rate. The way we socialize changes, the way how we do things changes, what we value interestingly changes too (the economy and the earthquakes globally contributing to that); the way we communicate has changed and keeps on changing and generally: how and what we give Attention to changes. A lot.

The crux of the story is that all Attention matters and how we provide it. What I also recognized in Gary's wonderful trainride story is that it matters greatly how we act, how we conduct ourselves. It's very important to be transparant about who we are. Just yesterday an Oodlies interview was published with me discussing vaginas at length. All I can say is: the sometimes open ways how Joi (from Oodlies) and I interact involves this way of communicating, it's part of our lingo. It's what we're like together. We don't lie about who we are. I am various sides of a spectrum. To be anything but one way would be too limiting for me. I really like Gary's viewpoint on being genuine, how could there be a future where we're not?

To me Attention is not just the time we take to focus on anything, be it online or off, and to tell others about it, it's also very much the ethical side of it, the human side of it, the why and how side of it, that others relate to and understand. I think we will find faster and faster that we "get" what other people talk about and what they do. Even before they have finished speaking or ''doing''. We will increasingly find ourselves "smelling the rat" or "feeling the vibe" in ways we could not conceive of ever before. These are magical times.

The trick with Attention is that all Attention is really Love. Keep an open mind about this. Give attention freely and it will flow back to you. Draft all sorts of rules and it will bite you in the ass. (I wonder how Gary would feel about this.)

Above all: I think our Attention deserves more credit. We forget that Attention as it is, is our commodity. It falls and stands with our choices and our expressions. We will be known by others how we give our Attention and most of all: whether we actually care about others, as well as ourselves. It's when we forget, that we falter. I think that if many of us continue to forget that we are all part of a very large hive that we have the danger of losing our Attention for each other.

Luckily, from what I can see, most people are very much focused on the value of having genuine relationships and enjoying the freedom of movement that transparency provides. The way we do ''business'' will therefor change a lot too. I'm sure the last chapter about this has not been written. And I like that.

More about Gary's book and where to order it here

it's a kind of

Love.

The word is out: there is not just a few kinds of lovin' heck no there's HEAPS! Check it out here Extremely funny.

What happened to old fashioned "I just love ya babe" and that'd be that? No that is OLD school now. Yep. Get used to it. And there's so many varieties now to "name" the type of relationship. Just recently Lady Gaga has entered into a Spiritual Ceremony. The plot thickens.

source of link: fastcompany with thanks.

It's about you

Seth Godin had another excellent point regarding the fact that to other people, it’s never about us, it’s all about them. We know this, but don’t always act on it. (I find it especially good to remember when writing a blog.) This is true in friendships, work relationships and others like talking to the neighbors. Of course it’s kind if someone’s actually interested in my life or in me as a person, but if I’m not bringing something of value or interest (also value) to the table, many people will get bored or annoyed and are more likely to leave me alone.

It's fun nowadays with superficial relationships (like the ones we enjoy online) and the real ones because: how can we tell who that someone in cyberspace really is? It will still be about exchange, about value and about assessment. I guess it’s all up to interpretation. Why do people listen or care? Because you add something. Offering value in some way always helps.

How then do you make a distinction between having a relationship, bringing knowledge, products, support or whatever to the table, and not being taken advantage off? This is one to check out. I’ve seen it before and I’m sure you have too. Not that I’m advocating you should put roadblocks in any relationship and ‘measure’ the give and take ratio, but I do suggest to be ‘aware’. Marketers know this, hard sales people do too. Pounce. Ouch. Whack with handbag in retaliation? No. You should have seen it coming.

When we are being nice we will have a very high change of being trampled on. This is clear as day. It’s good to remember to be less naïve, but still loving. There’s a difference between genuinely giving without expecting anything in return and to give knowing we are stacking up brownie points to get somewhere. Also there’s the thing about whether we demand things from others or if we nicely ask for it. The good ol’ famous balancing act is what it boils down to and the respect we have. Some people use the guise of friendship to clean you out. Others simply try and smooth you over until they no longer need your valuable assets. We learn from experience.

To me it always comes back to the following:

• What goes around comes around: people attract what they send out. Be the “most optimal” you can be and it will reflect well on you.
• If you’re being yourself and know where you’re at including setting boundaries it should be quite good sailing. Be clear to others and they are more likely to be clear to you. Well they have to don’t they?
• Never exchange or do business with someone you don’t trust or don’t even like.
• Always give people the benefit of the doubt but take the pink sunnies off. Everyone makes mistakes.
• Keep smiling but show yourself, there’s no harm in that. If you don’t have anything to hide then there’s nothing to be afraid of.
• Whatever you do: make sure you do a regular system check: make it neither too neurotic nor too fluffy ducky. The funny thing is that you don’t even have to say something sometimes: just backing off might be all it takes.
• Trust your instincts always. Any time I talked myself out of it, it turned out to be a mistake.
• Last one: we forget to like ourselves sometimes if we’re too critical. Love yourself in whatever way you feel best.

Have a life. It's worth having.