Vacation?

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
(Seth Godin, in his latest book ‘Tribes, We need you to lead us.’)

People have the tendency to not make themselves responsible for their own lives. “No my boss made me work overtime and I hate what I do anyway so it all sucks” “My husband wants me to lose weight and that’s why I come to the pool every day to swim” “He never listens to me and I don’t feel happy in our relationship”. See what I mean?

Yes it’s human to have a good whine to someone else and say boohoo my life is so boring, tough, hard, difficult, lonely, unsuccessful, stressful, unsatisfying or un-fun (if you feel that way, that is). Problem is that IT DOESN”T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER to say these things to other people. Have you realized that?

I was feeling tired last week and had a whinge to my poor mum on the phone. It was so annoying! Basically I wanted a cuddle and for someone to say all right you lovely get of your bottom and get on with it. This is enough and you don't want to act this way. It’s fine to realize I had landed in the old trap again of wanting to achieve too much but the side effects are that it gives me the frusty dusties. So I decided to snap out of it before I had a chance to get the fever of the poor-me-disease. It’s no fun for people around me and it doesn’t get us anywhere EVER.

Right, here’s the recipe for battling boohoo-ness:

a) Give yourself a hug or ask your partner to provide you with a cuddle. (Take it easy on yourself)
b) Find out why you are feeling down, depressed, tired, disappointed, angry etc. Talk about it or write it down. Don’t take it out on others, find a boxing ball instead.
c) Start a diary; write things down often to get it out. That or see a therapist/counselor regularly. (I write this blog and find that helpful, if it’s very personal I write it in my own diary)
d) Start exercising, it gets the stress beasties out of your body and it’s good for the brain. Eat well to compensate for energy loss until you build up more stamina.
e) Team up with a good friend to establish your goals and follow up every week on progress. Share.
f) Don’t desire to do too much (I do and by crikey I’m a hard learner…) and nip perfectionism in the bud. It’s a right killer.
g) Don’t do ANYTHING someone else wants you to unless you want to do it also. Motivation goes down the gurgler if you persist and it causes resentment.
h) Practice your sense of humor. Remember to LAUGH. (Once we were funny, hang on how did it go again?)
i) Take up a weekly hobby or sport that makes you very happy. I absolutely LOVE dancing.
j) See friends and hang out. Enjoy dinners and playing with their kids.
k) Allow yourself to be lazy at times (this I find very hard, sleep in? Like WHEN?)
l) Stick to your new plan! Yeehaaaaaaa. = victory.

The truth is this:
Being grateful creates happiness. Appreciate what IS there, let go of how you think it SHOULD be. And: be patient, things will fall into place. Hang the frust dusty jacket or give it to charity.

Hard times for some

Three of my friends have gone, or are going through, a stage where they are trying to pay off their debt. (Two have been declared bankrupt, the other is in the middle of a lawsuit.) By doing so they had or have no money left to pay for food. It’s a very tough place to be in because it means the following:

· Fessing up to strangers that you did things in the past that led you to ask for a food package from the government or the Sallies.
· Feeling humiliated you’re not able to look after your finances and that you need help
· Having to tell family and friends you got to this point which is usually hugely embarrassing (even though the reasons are varied and understandable)
· Having to learn to look yourself in the face and overcome all the emotional issues and find understanding in yourself
· Get a practical plan in place and make a radical change for the future
· After the initial hubbub accept all that happened, tidy up and move on.

It takes a while to get to that last point. I have great admiration for my friends who have admitted they made mistakes, that they didn’t handle their finances in the best of ways and that they are majorly committed now to sticking with budgets and self restraint. My friends said that some people responded weird, that because they ‘lost face’ they were no longer friends. To me that should tell my friends more about what these ‘supposed’ friends were really like in the first place then what it says about themselves.

I think it does anyone great credit to admit they have done something that wasn't so handy and that they have chosen to face the music and continue on regardless. It’s what makes us human. The fact that people, and friends, may do silly things or make mistakes is not a reason for me to stop being friends with them. I would be a very shallow and unwise person if I were to do that.

A friend of mine always says: “Bless the Crisis, because it creates movement and change”. I think he’s very right. Yes, when you’re in a tight spot or when you are going through hard times it’s not funny at the time but looking back it’s one of the best things that could have happened. Why? Because WE LEARN. Being in a safe unchangeable environment is not going to challenge you nor make you grow. Basically I find if people have nothing going on in their lives they are either Mahatma Ghandi types who are transgressed beyond attachment and judgment (extremely rare breed these) or they are trying to safe-glide through life which really, is incredibly boring! I’m not a boring person myself so I’m not surprised I get to know people who are slightly off the wall. That’s fine with me. Imperfectness is beautiful, perfectness is boring as heck.

Having said that, I wouldn’t suggest creating dramas in your life for the sake of it, but when things do happen, taking a good look and work out what the scenario is. What is the hardest part? What do you hate about it? Anything you resist persists someone else said. It’s very very true. You know how events come back into your life, different people and stage, same topic. It stops once you learn from it, when it changes you. These situations honestly cease to come back. I swear funny but true.

Life is to experience, not to learn from in the sense that we are here only to learn. We acquire wisdom by doing. This includes choosing to do stupid things or making choices where we later go: “Hang on, that wasn’t the brightest idea on the planet.” Still we are people. Can we at least be allowed to be human?