not just about green

I can spot several today, for example:


Have to versus Want to:

• food: I want to eat meat that has had a great life so I "want to" only eat that, as both Nico and I don't like supporting the meat abattoirs aka animal concentration camps (the horrors that happen in there are beyond belief, it makes me feel sick ). So hence we keep our own cattle and ALSO see them come to their end in our paddock. We care about our animals a lot. They actually die happily, if you can call it that. And we are sad when it happens, but at least we know what we eat.
• vegetable garden: we "want to" eat veggies without pesticides and therefor can enjoy the bounty that comes out of our garden. The carrots are absolutely amazing.
• home: we "want to" have the least impact on the environment so are working towards having a house that is self sustainable, and one that doesn't use diesel to heat the radiators. This choice makes things harder, but also more responsible and less wasteful in future. It makes us feel better!
• work: we actually discovered that we "have to" less then we thought. We're doing our homework regarding what we really "want to" do in order to establish this reality. It is a lot of fun planning that future!
• design-work: I "want to" use GREEN materials for my design products. Therefor I "want to" find them. It's not so much a choice for me as almost a requirement, a necessity. My tea towels at the moment are not eco so I am looking at other options. At least my future cushion designs will be printed on organic cotton, so I would like to find a tea towel material that is green too.

So in short: have you thought about what you have to do versus what you want to do? Do you really have to do or use all that stuff? Do you need to? Are there alternatives? 

And really: isn't it cool how other ways can actually work just as well, if not better?

Read Simon Mainwaring's excellent post too on: "Lessons from BP and bankers: The need for a more Sustainable Future".

joyous responsibility

All of us are in relationships, and they change and keep on changing. That is our only certainty. It's always interesting to see what happens between us and the other. Sometimes I see examples which make me think: why do we want the other to change or to give us what we need? Why do many of us need someone else to do something in order for us to feel better? What ever happened to our own responsibility to just try and sort stuff out or make ourselves feel good?


Many great and fun things have happened when we have decided to set the other free by not needing them to give us the outcomes we desire. Self reliance and self embracing to feel whole is beautiful. It enables us to look after ourselves, be proud of ourselves and from that place of strength we can do more then we could ever do before. It's not an egotistical thing I'm talking about. It's shifting the focus from 'help' to 'yay'.


In my book there is usually no loneliness. We are not in a sci fi movie or locked in a dark dungeon somewhere. There's much joy to be added to our daily lives, to our communication with others. Try not to force other people to be responsible for your happiness, as they are not. Only you are. Appreciation is a cool thing, give it a whirl and either consider to try meditating, walking your own dog or finding a way to get on with yourself as that is the person you'll always be talking to. If you make peace with yourself, you will find it surprisingly easier to be with others. 

power of creation

Have you noticed that whenever you are in a 'figuring out' period - when you can't quite make up your mind yet- that things are a bit fuzzy for a while? There are no great peaks or falls or growth. It's all a bit vague.

This brings me to: it is very certain that things will go well for you if you believe in them, love them and give it all your attention. Why? Because you use emotional power to Create. It's energy in movement. We create every day every moment every second. Most of us just think we don't have the power to shape our world or our life but we do. I'm convinced we do. And I'm not talking about pseudo positive thinking. It makes sense to me that certain things stop working well if you lose the belief or affection for them and that other things increase when you give them undivided loving attention.

As humans we are born to change and experience. That means that it makes no sense to do the same thing for decades on end unless we desire this. Also it might be an idea to give ourselves time to grapple with situations to become clear to us. I have found with various activities that I lost the appetite for them and started to care less and less. I went through several stages where I tried to reconvince myself that it would be better if I stuck with it which is the conscience thing or the -be-a-good-girl-thing. Now I can see I'm just ready for a new phase and it's better to let things unfold and let go of hanging on to old stuff. It's an incredible relief, which makes me very happy.

So what to do with the power of creation? It's always a cool idea to actually be aware of it. I've been less comitted to creating positivily for a while because I felt tired and got a bit bored with certain things. It's healthier for me to be creativily inspired. I can see now that in a sense I let myself become sick and that it was neccesary to wake up and start re creating differently. So all the time I had actually deliberately created boredom and stagnation apparently.

Awareness is the key to improving one's life. I wasn't feeling very zingy for a while but it was my own choice to feel so I guess. I'm not saying I gave up, I again understand that one is always able to choose again. This is a great thing. Because we have the ability to choose again we can devote our new found enthusiasm to areas where it's needed. So if taking responsibility for ourselves is the start, then whatever comes next is the result of that awareness of choosing which creates. (Still with me? Read that again if you need to.)

Here's the cookie part: we receive what we can let go of. We receive what we give to others. Interesting no? (Yeah I know bit of deep stuff today. Get used to it. Otherwise feel free to flick youtube.) Anyway: if you hang on to something or someone too much it will leave you. If you let go of something it can come back to you. If you give to others freely they will return the favour. If you treat others well they treat you well. If you show resentment it's harder for the universe to return love to you as you do not send that out yourself. Tested and tried amigos, swear to God.

Telling yourself that something should work is gobblygook. I've been good at that and it's a waste of time. Being a stubborn bugger is one thing, but truly, it doesn't help matters and it stresses yourself and others out. Like gee whiz get with the program already. Sometimes it's just ok to realize that a period has come and gone. Raising the curtain and drawing it on others will reveal new suprises and new inspirations. Isn't that just wonderful? I think so. Crike, it's a groovy world out there. And if you can shape it - how glorious and fun can it become? Woohoo! I'm keen, so I signed on, logged in and subscribed straight away. Love it.

Beautifully responsible

I was reading Seth Godin’s blog the other day: “It turns out that beauty is an important evolutionary byproduct. (…)We treat people and products differently when we think they're beautiful. (…) Beauty is a signal, not just a physical state.” http://sethgodin.typepad.com/ It made me think about the effects of beauty.

When I was in my teens I didn’t consider myself beautiful at all. I was bullied by meany youngsters, bad mouthed by other teens who thought my white rim colored glasses looked stink (they did) and it took awhile for me to get into self appreciation mode. Stupid how other people’s remarks can influence one’s self image, but it does.

It was quite a bit later that I realized the power attractiveness brings. People can definitely approach you differently because you look more attractive than the average person, are easy to get on with and have a bit of brains. I can literally feel the change in behavior sometimes. It makes me feel embarrassed as my intention is not to ‘hook people in’. I like to be appreciated for my personality and abilities, not because I happen to be a “babeliscious” (one of my friend’s names for me). Not that I consider myself to be anything so dramatically enticing, goodness me.

I have pointed out to someone else last year that behavior which makes the most of beauty and charm, that draws people in, can create side effects you have to take into account. Being more attractive than the average person brings the responsibility to use this attraction ‘talent’ wisely. (I know this sounds really silly and most people would probably not consider this to be a topic even! Tell me, why are we even discussing this?)

Beauty creates an image in people’s heads. I have found that upon getting to know me behaviors can change because they realize I’m as human as they are, and therefore imperfect. ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and it can change in a day. Why are you liked? What makes you like someone? Because he or she is unique and by getting to know them, wonderful. At the same time you can be pushed off that wee pedestal you’ve been put on, because expectations aren’t met. Hello! Do I look like Barbie to you? Nope.

For me beauty in people, or the attraction, for liking them is seeing someone’s vulnerability, their genuine strengths and weaknesses, their potential. In short: the real deal. It is what makes us human. It’s the story behind the everyday mask that grabs you which makes it personal. Outside beauty can be incredibly boring, it’s only amazing when the substance is intriguing.

Self doubt

We are in the habit of doubting ourselves. I thought I was running short of blogs..Running short?! How can that be with 35 blogs still to be published….. Even if I didn’t write for 6 weeks (!) I’d be dandy. Well that’s the benefit of working in advance I tell you. I was surprised that I had that many!
Getting back to the self doubt thing: Sometimes we can talk ourselves in to something or OUT of something. We sell ourselves short, we imagine things will happen that don’t etc and so on and so forth. Does this have to do with confidence? I think it has more to do with a reality check. Dreaming of achieving our goals is one thing, but we all like to anticipate in some form that we’ll actually make it.

I went through 5 website designs with Quality Living before I actually felt I achieved the result I was after. I took me a year and a half. Half of me was embarrassed it took so plippin long and the other half said, well c’est la vie. I work fulltime so can’t realistically expect my idea to fly and take off in a few months. I went through periods of frustration, teeth grinding, anger and doubt. When I finally made a resolution I’d no longer worry about the outcome but start with a clean slate it finally came together. Sometimes when you decide let go of the outcome the whole situation resolves. Magic stuff.

So when in doubt:
What’s the worst that could happen? Is it REALLY that bad/sad? No? Then dust yourself off and get on with it. Trust your own instinct and stop listening to others. It’s YOUR life. You know what to do. Trust that. What are you waiting for then? Go go go. And have a latte, and a muffin while you’re at it. Excellent.

Vacation?

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
(Seth Godin, in his latest book ‘Tribes, We need you to lead us.’)

People have the tendency to not make themselves responsible for their own lives. “No my boss made me work overtime and I hate what I do anyway so it all sucks” “My husband wants me to lose weight and that’s why I come to the pool every day to swim” “He never listens to me and I don’t feel happy in our relationship”. See what I mean?

Yes it’s human to have a good whine to someone else and say boohoo my life is so boring, tough, hard, difficult, lonely, unsuccessful, stressful, unsatisfying or un-fun (if you feel that way, that is). Problem is that IT DOESN”T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER to say these things to other people. Have you realized that?

I was feeling tired last week and had a whinge to my poor mum on the phone. It was so annoying! Basically I wanted a cuddle and for someone to say all right you lovely get of your bottom and get on with it. This is enough and you don't want to act this way. It’s fine to realize I had landed in the old trap again of wanting to achieve too much but the side effects are that it gives me the frusty dusties. So I decided to snap out of it before I had a chance to get the fever of the poor-me-disease. It’s no fun for people around me and it doesn’t get us anywhere EVER.

Right, here’s the recipe for battling boohoo-ness:

a) Give yourself a hug or ask your partner to provide you with a cuddle. (Take it easy on yourself)
b) Find out why you are feeling down, depressed, tired, disappointed, angry etc. Talk about it or write it down. Don’t take it out on others, find a boxing ball instead.
c) Start a diary; write things down often to get it out. That or see a therapist/counselor regularly. (I write this blog and find that helpful, if it’s very personal I write it in my own diary)
d) Start exercising, it gets the stress beasties out of your body and it’s good for the brain. Eat well to compensate for energy loss until you build up more stamina.
e) Team up with a good friend to establish your goals and follow up every week on progress. Share.
f) Don’t desire to do too much (I do and by crikey I’m a hard learner…) and nip perfectionism in the bud. It’s a right killer.
g) Don’t do ANYTHING someone else wants you to unless you want to do it also. Motivation goes down the gurgler if you persist and it causes resentment.
h) Practice your sense of humor. Remember to LAUGH. (Once we were funny, hang on how did it go again?)
i) Take up a weekly hobby or sport that makes you very happy. I absolutely LOVE dancing.
j) See friends and hang out. Enjoy dinners and playing with their kids.
k) Allow yourself to be lazy at times (this I find very hard, sleep in? Like WHEN?)
l) Stick to your new plan! Yeehaaaaaaa. = victory.

The truth is this:
Being grateful creates happiness. Appreciate what IS there, let go of how you think it SHOULD be. And: be patient, things will fall into place. Hang the frust dusty jacket or give it to charity.