seriously?

No. Often things are too serious already. We try too hard. Does that really help? Hm?


Generally we find we have to make light of a situation. Being stuck in the mud only teaches us to get very muddy boots (I literally experienced this yesterday when my husband and I were building enclosures for our two wild piglets). Better to have a laugh and move on.


I like to share this video today which I think teaches us to never complain again. There is no use for such a pass time although all of us have done this from time to time. How do you feel today?

black sheep

Bullying is also called "harassment". Someone very close to me* has been targeted at his work. What he does about it is naturally his decision. I have been telling him to leave that workplace as it's infested with negativism. When people ask me about this company that's what I say, as it is my personal opinion. And I'll be happy to tell everyone far and wide. I'll them on twitter I tell them on Facebook I tell them in person.

It used to upset me a lot that a senior manager could mis use his power and along with other cronies start targeting staff just because he can, just because the staff actually give a damn and ask difficult questions. It's such a waste of time and energy this power play song and dance; it's unreal. Yet the good news is that we can choose again. We do not need to abide by rules just because 'we have done this that way for the past 100 years' and 'you just have to listen to me'. Come on this is 2011 already.

The truth is that of course there is probably more to the story and yes I have taken his story with grains of salt as one should do. I think the writing is on the wall though when all of his immediate colleagues are looking for other jobs, and one has left because of bullying already and another because he could no longer stand the depressing atmosphere. Mostly I find it sad, because without realizing it the senior manager has solely achieved this:
- adding more bad vibes to the company and sending the good people out the door first (they are the smartest and most talented and run quickly when they clue in.)
- less productivity and low morale, the least talented crew stays
- bad or worse results in production
- bad PR as news gets out so the company's image deteriorates slowly but steadily.
In effect: I see little benefits to the whole power play episode. Maybe a bully can help me out here to see reason.

And now for the good news:
People have a choice. He has learned a lot while working for this company both good and bad. I have to add that there are actually nice people there too. (One of them is Mary I love Mary.) Once he leaves he will be baffled and surprised he stuck with them for so long. Bullying kills respect and loyalty faster then a mouse can fart. The freedom to experience different working relationships will do this person good. He's already been approached to work for other companies so don't feel bad for him, we don't. It's very educational.

Instead of focusing on the bad let's focus on the good now;
you always have a choice in regards to what work environment you choose to be in. I'm not talking about the kind of job, but the vibe a place has, what is their behavior like? Do you feel happy there or most of the time? Are your colleagues supportive? Why do you come to work everyday? Do you understand your part in the equation?

Ideally we like to work in an environment that nurtures us. Why? Because that is human nature, to be part of a tribe, to belong, to work for something that is bigger then us. to believe in something good, to share a common goal and yes, to generate income. Research tells us that for most people the money is like a sideline, what we really want is to feel useful, to contribute and to be appreciated. 

Whatever it is you do, my vote is on doing it happily. The bottom line is: if you agree with it continue, if it makes you unhappy question your motives of being there. Oh and to the bullies: the game is up. We know why you do what you do and we choose another experience. Because we can.


*this person very close to me has asked me to withhold his identity until he resigns, and he has decided on a date to do so. I hope his 'chat' today goes well, in the sense that he will be able to stick by himself and not be tempted to sink to their level or be 'black-sheepie-fied'. Time will tell.

finding it?

A lot of people are "looking", so how about "finding"?


Many of us get excited about the idea of looking for "something". Either a new training in spirituality will do the trick, reading this amazing book should have the answers, or buying the new car or securing the new job that will bring it all home. Maybe that or we go on a happy quest to introduce inspiring people in our lives to make us feel better. Whatever distraction works to avoid looking at ourselves. It's easier to focus on "out there".


Perhaps we will get satisfaction or we don't. Then when we do think we might finally get the answer, ironically we discover after a while that our new solution, friend, or newly purchased item wasn't quite what we wanted to have after all. We got the money but not the freedom. We get a sense of direction again from our guru but they don't want to hold our hands. We get the new car but have to pay more money for road user charges and insurance. We get the new friend but keep wanting to find others as to keep ourselves feeling excited and distracted. The new job provides us with more income and experience, but perhaps has new colleagues that are difficult to work with. So what did we ask for... really? Hmm.


The more you look at something out there, the more you miss the point of looking and finding "in here" (corny as heck but there you go). We have the tendency to run away from the "in here" times, including the writer of this post. Why? Because we don't know what we'll find "in here" for sure and whether we'll like it. Isn't it easier to say: there, THAT should fix my nagging feelings. Please let me win lotto and I'll be happy forever.... Uhuh.

The funny thing is that you are already kitted out perfectly.

Let's start here: the letting go of the need to know any outcome will work wonders. Fear will leave you. The controlling urges will subside. You don't need a 100 friends, just a few kick ass ones will be awesome already. How long do you plan to pussy foot about? The distractions you were seeking were just that, some entertainment fluff. Did you really choose it, or was it just to keep you occupied? (I know it sounds meehhh but that's what this post is about.)

The only answer to feeling happy, or happier, is to see that your life, in whatever state that it is, is catering exactly to the need of what you are expecting. As la dee da as it may sound, the less you want, and even less you need, the more satisfied you'll feel. It's the making peace, as well as the seeing all there is and not judging it but appreciating it, that will help greatly in putting a smile back on your face, and a trusting hippety hoppety in your step. Things can only get better. You can always choose differently. Just chill out. 

Life is wondrous. Just expect it to be and go about it accordingly. And for heavens sake have some more fun! All that serious stuff can give you the heebie jeebies. And others too.

peace

Interesting question:
how can we learn to be at peace, as we're always seeking to improve ourselves? We always have a goal further down the road. (See? Told you it's fascinating!)


I'm not talking about the contrast that is provided every day, the things we come across we like and do not like. I have been practicing observing myself more opposed to observing others. This has been a sensible activity. I'm not staring at my own navel (as they say in Holland) but simply it's been useful and educational to become aware of my old behavior and programmed responses in order to remind myself of where I'm intended to go, and continue to grow. This way I can slightly adjust my "acting" and "doing" along the way instead of battling myself to the ground. A much more friendly approach.


Mostly it's being aware about taking things in our stride and becoming aware that we create our own experiences. Yes lot of it has to do with our own attitude and that which we understand.  Friend Ivan Campuzano has written a beautiful post about "that which you give attention to". He even goes as far as saying that which we give attention to is Godly. And so it is. Another online friend, Michael Q Todd, wrote on his FB page this week saying: "My weight is dropping because I am at peace with myself and with food". Stunning isn't it? I thought that was quite a Godly sentiment too, a self appreciation statement.


So how can we give attention to inner peace?


Follow your feelings that inspire you and call you forward. Feeling happier and getting to being in that state of "being happy" longer and longer, there is a way of getting there:

• start with feeling appreciation.
• Instead of wanting, pushing, struggling to change anything outside of you... try to change your view and start centering yourself and realize that everything that currently is, is fine. Only when you make peace with someone or some thing will things lift.
• ah! which makes me realize that Michael hit it on the head as of course when we make peace with ourselves... we are not actively wanting to go anywhere we are absolutely pleased with ALL that is where we are here and now and it feels all is well and that time stands still. (Some call this meditating. It also works just sitting in a field or even on the toilet.)

Hm! Well that asks for more playing with new experience... ! Love it!

How about yes?

We often say no. No to work requests. No to the check out lady when she asks whether you brought your coupon card. No to nice ladies who wish you to donate to charity. No to animals that want food right now. No to kind invitations. No to confirming someone we don't know on Facebook. No to different ideas. No to things we don't agree with.


We could decide to say yes for a change. Have you noticed how we have taught ourselves to usually pop up some automated barriers, when interacting with other people? They ask something and we immediately spell out no or go erm.... and why is that? To protect ourselves? From what exactly? From having more fun?


Recently I said yes to these things:

• I said yes to spending a special day at a friends place in the city even though I absolutely prefer and love spending that particular time on our farm. It made my friend happy that we're coming and me too.
• I said yes to giving money to a busker. He looked happy. I was too.
• I said yes to admitting design work to a local art competition and included a friend of mine. My friend was happy to go along with this crazy plan as the deadline is a week away.
• I said yes to working Christmas eve. My boss was happy and she said I could leave earlier when I felt like it. We were both happy.
• I said yes to many wonderful things next year that I will know will acquire me to be focused and dedicated. I know it will be fun. This made me very happy and my design friend too.
• I said yes to my husband changing his job (Actually I have been saying yes to that for about 12 months now). This made him happy and me too.
• I said yes to another kune kune pig arriving on our farm. After the initial debate pig Spunky had with new pig Piggie we are all very happy. I asked Spunky to learn to say yes.
• I said yes to designing a new book cover for my mum's new poetry book. She was thrilled and I was happy too.
• I said yes to a bbq Christmas dinner and staying at home. I did make a superb desert and it's called Ambrosia. My husband and I are both happy with that.
• I said yes to learning a new skill and accepted it takes time to do it well. It makes me very happy.
• I said yes to new changes and I said yes to new possibilities and new ventures for 2011.
• I said yes to my life changing all across the board. For the better. It's exciting! It makes me happy.
• I said yes to the decision to say more and more yes.

How about you?

the hard yards

Often we may feel we are always doing the "hard yards". Working when others have stopped doing so, working the weekends, looking after children when we may not feel like it, visiting people when we'd rather collapse on the couch at home, listen to a client who's getting on our nerves, having to phone someone when we don't feel like it, take the trash out and do the dishes, and on and on.

So are those hard yards really worth it or are we really fooling ourselves thinking that making our own lives difficult will somehow help us towards becoming more joyous in our work and daily life? Since when has punishing ourselves with dedication to other causes then what we really want to do, aided us in feeling better about ourselves?

Yep. I don't know the magic number either. Having a farm-let did teach me this: whether you are happy or sad, tired like hell or happy: the animals always need tending to and always come first (if you have kids enter "kids" where I had put "animals" -same rule applies.) So yes by all means finish projects you know need doing, but allow "me time" to balance yourself out. You are as important as the people you promised you would do things for.

Instead of getting so worn out that you feel like being in a continual state of full blown PMS, consider the opposite:

fighting or battling against something will cost you more energy then if you accept that at the moment it is all simply as it is. (I have done this regarding my daily work and my that has made a huge amount of difference, I'm even quite restful about it. I can be Zen when others get in a tizzy.)

Then take your foot of the friggin' accelerator and park next to the road. Notice the wild flowers. See the hare dashing across the road in the distance. Sniff some hay-fever elements! In any event; stop pushing yourself like you have a work addiction. Seriously! Would it be the end of the world if a project would finish later? Would it matter that the house is still not painted before Christmas? Would it matter you will not have a flash dinner this Christmas day but instead settle for a "salad in 5 min option"? Does it really concern you that you are a bit late with some things you wanted to do this year? 

Once you step outside of that zone of "have to have to have to panic panic tired tired PMS feelings" you will notice something quite wondrous!

The sun comes up every morning. You actually see it this time. Everything simply pans out as it pans out. You will however have reclaimed your sanity. That my friends, is already a miracle this time of year. Now go find a friend or a lovely tree, and hug it. Voila! Instant happiness. Just... Chill... Out!! You have worked hard! Now have some fun too or simply allow some extra hours snoozing in bed.

Told you it could be done. You just have to allow yourself to try. And stop pushing.

"Battle less, love more" - Gabriel

fun works

We usually expect Design to be practical, functional. What about another aspect that is important? The fun to use it, the sheer beauty of the design. It turns out that our brain is wired in such a fashion that we can be more creative, and better problem solvers, if we are happy. So it also pays to use design that makes us happy.

I'm a big fan of having fun. What makes you happy? As Don Norman puts it: "so that's the new me, I only say positive things."

Feng Shui

Today I am having a wonderful interview with an inspiring Parisian lady in San Francisco: Catherine Grison, Soul Artisan for People and Spaces. I have met Catherine through the inter-connective world that is Twitter. 

Catherine is a certified and stylish Feng Shui Master, and she implements this knowledge so she herself, and her clients and friends, can enjoy more joy, more abundance and also better health in their lives. Her credo is: "Life is not beige!" She founded Your French Accent, her “Decorator Extraordinaire and Beyond” consulting company in 2004.

Her website: http://www.yourfrenchaccent.com/ 

She says: "When I moved to San Francisco, 10 years ago, and began to work in the furniture industry, I was shocked to see that most people were "matching" sofas and chairs, "blending" neutrals. The only real colors in retail were mostly dark reds on leather library chairs. I was then working at the brand new Crate and Barrel Furniture store downtown San Francisco, in the fine furniture department.  To this day, I still remember how happy one of my customers was when he came back to me and announced: "I made it Catherine! I listened to you and I went for color! You can be proud of me!" He was holding a dark chocolate velvet pillow. Dark chocolate. To go on his all beige furniture...  I had envisioned a more powerful combination like a hot pink or spring green to make the room happen... However it was a start and I congratulated him! “

Why did you move from Paris to San Francisco?

I moved to California to live with the (American) man I loved and met in Paris. It was heart breaking to leave Paris. It took me 4 years to feel at home here. We did not live in San Francisco but in Pacifica, a secluded coastal small town. Too much water… Pacifica is gorgeous but I am a city girl. I need Fire. At first I thought I will not survive when I came to Pacifica. I could not even look though the windows: all these small houses and the big ocean were so lonely too me. I was looking desperately for high energy, crowds, and tall buildings! Despite my job in San Francisco, I felt so isolated, dying inside. Then step by step, I met incredible people, developed new true friendships. I began yoga, enrolled in a 3-year Feng Shui program which I graduated from and uncovered my spiritual path. I founded Your French Accent, my “Decorator Extraordinaire and Beyond” consulting company. I learned so much during these Pacifican years…

As soon as we (happily) divorced, I moved to Potrero Hill in San Francisco. Here I could reinvent myself again, open myself up to possibilities.

How did you get your business started?

It's different here, how things work, compared to Paris. When I arrived I did not want to go back to coaching without knowing the culture; it would not have been ethical. I started exploring… In Paris I used to work in management, coaching, training. I have a master’s degree in Communication, Linguistics & Training. I used to design programs, coach store managers, and train sales associates. So when I started working in San Francisco I thought: the home environment is the best place for me to understand the culture. When people buy furniture, they tell you their story. If they don’t, you are not a good listener! In the meanwhile I had entered a 3 year Feng Shui certification program. My clients were asking me to furnish more and more homes; the logical next step was to start a business.

What is important to you?

I use an integrative Feng Shui to help other people improve their lives, their health, their level of happiness. I used to be a more black & white person, sure of how things "had to be". I was a personal development fascist! My vision is far more flexible now. I try to help others grow, and myself too, what is very important to me. My clients say I am honest and straight forward. I see people from the inside, I do not sugar coat. I have integrity and also humor. A lot of my clients have become friends. My best advertisement is 'word of mouth', which leads to work. I'm a very pragmatic person with her 3^rd eye wide opened. I use my common sense and a pendulum too!

So what would be your Feng Shui advice for my readers today?

Any place is related to your life. Feng Shui means Wind and Water, the two elements which create life. Any place is a reflection of our own being. For example: I worked with a lady who had a 2 bedroom condo: she asked for decoration advice. The Lady did not want me to enter a particular room. Eventually I did see it and it was a disaster. It was filled to the brim with "stuff". It was very hard to walk around. The rest of the apartment was very tidy. It turned out that her father used to be living there, so she kept it closed, she didn't want to think about this room, let alone start cleaning it out.

The truth is that if you lock a door, the room is still there, and the emotions behind it are still there too. Blocked up areas will affect you mentally and your health, whether you realize it or not, whether you see them or not.

Keep only what is successful or enjoyable.  Always find ways to enjoy life. Many say it's good to do "this" after.... after what? There is NO after, there is just that what is now. I have a ritual called “The Past is over” to help people move forward, and step in their Present. Together we burn the past, literally. It is a very powerful ceremony!

My advice is that you need to use every room in the house, every object. You can't hide from yourself. Feng Shui and interior decorating is not about focusing on what's wrong, it's about improving spaces and thus improving your life in general. If you deny a piece of yourself, it's best to address it now, observe how you have treated your house and your rooms. It will tell you more than you think! So Feng Shui has a lot of hidden psychology embedded in the flow of the house. The key is to let the energy flow as best as it can. Avoid having sharp corners, add greenery, colors. Think symbols!

How can Catherine help us?

Now look around you! There is nothing quicker and cheaper than adding a layer of fresh paint to change the energy and the look of a room, whether in a home, an office, a business, a restaurant... And if you know somebody you love and who needs a lift, you can even gift my services. It may change a life!

Fortunately for all of us, Catherine does remote consultations. I thought it was a delight talking to her on Skype and having a real time conversation together. This means that you can email and skype her too, book a consultation, sending a floor plan and photos over for her to perform a full analysis and help you clear the areas of your life and your space that you have found troubling or difficult to organize.

Send her an email with any questions you may have, to ask for a quote: yourfrenchaccent@gmail.com

Check out her blog too: http://www.frenchshuicafe.com/ which she reorganizes now to provide more quick services and to-the-point advice, including spiritual guidance and deco tips, building also more global community…

You can of course “Like” Catherine’s services on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/CatherineGrisonYourFrenchAccent?ref=ts

http://www.facebook.com/FrenchShuiCafe?ref=ts

and follow her on Twitter:

@catherinegrison

@frenchshuicafe

Happiness

So what IS it with happiness? All of us seem to be continually on the lookout. What if this... when will I win Lotto? But why would you want rescuing from your life? What could you do now to change it, and most of all: your perception of it?


Here's the Recipe for Happiness:

1. Be a do gooder
2. Don't sweat decisions
3. Spend well> experience
4. Aim high - but not that high!
5. Be a joiner
6. Stop dwelling
7. Be grateful

So there you go,  that wasn't so hard to follow was it?  Forget about the result of the soup though... it's how you decide to cook it that makes the difference.

(Source of how to be happy)

Passion

The word passion is popping up a lot. I've been spotting it online on twitter, reading about it in Idealog (my favorite NZ mag) and in blog posts of various geeks.

At the moment I'm reading a book -bits of it at every opportunity- about motivation, career changes, drive, psychology and work satisfaction. The main question is: why do we do what we do? And muy importante: how to stop working! When you have passion then work is no longer 'work', as the drive has taken over the conventional 9-5 stamina attitude. It's about actually wanting to work as it becomes what you love to do.

Also great work is about getting back to the grind instead of living it up after one success (example: Coco Chanel). Read: dedication baby. The new generation seems not to like to work diligently -generally speaking- because they are used to immediate gratification. Everything HAS TO BE now. Why wait later to finally drive that flash car? Why not have money now? But I want to go overseas NOW?

Most of us envy the people who absolutely love what they do. They get up happy in the morning and bounce around exuding an aura of satisfaction. They inspire others by simply enjoying their life. They set an example, they raise the bar and they inspire. I guess the combination of possessing that good karma to know what you love, to dedicate yourself to your cause and to appreciate that which you already have unify the pleasure of work. (Also it pays to find out if you are a dreamer or a visionary here -article by fellow Businessblogger Charles)

Believe in what you do, share the joy and knowledge around and support others in their search and you will contribute more than you think. Be passionate! Find out what your zesty thrill buttons are - what really spins your wheels?

the R word

We are still in the recession. I think it's also the one R word that people now hate the most. Mars has come up with a way to help. The real Chocolate relief act. (Found through Cowgirls.) They say: "times are tough and we at Mars want to help".

It is known that chocolate contains alkaloids which make us feel oh so nice. It has been linked to serotonin levels in the brain. Dark chocolate is the best, as it has a substantial amount of antioxidants which reduce the levels of free radicals. So one could argue that Mars is keen on influencing the whole of the USA with the oozing happy effects of the dark liquid. It will have a positive effect on Americans. God knows what good things will happen next?

Dunedin based chocolate manufacturing company Cadbury recently had a battle on their hands: Dunnies were up in arms regarding the unexpected replacer Palm oil that was found in their beloved milk chocolate. The rainforests would suffer! The taste was crappoli! Oh dear, absolute turmoil broke out, aside from the occasional couch burning by students we never saw anything worse. Cadbury had to go on their knees and solemny promise to not make boo boos like that again. Or else! They obviously bit off more then they could chew. But they too, mention that especially in tough economic times, their customers desire to find the best value in chocolate.

One thing is certain, chocolate manufacturers are sitting pretty: they have got a product that will survive these times: chocolate is recession proof.

Keep it simple

To get to the heart of things, one needs to just do this:
Listen to the silence and to learn to let go.

I had the flu last week and my head was FULL of stuff. Information, ponderations, questions, memories, music, all sorts. It was getting too crowded in my whirring brain it wasn’t funny. I felt I couldn’t shake it, the noise kept continuing and I was starting to get grumpy. The cure came in the manner of raking goatie manure in their enclosure. It often does the trick for me. Different environment, doing practical stuff, working with animals and simply being away from distractions, demands, work etc. It always creates a shifting to the task at hand and being in the Now. After the Big Clean I went inside to have lunch and crash into bed. Here I found the haven of rest and the silence within.

Once the mind is clear and void of the usual fluffy-noise, things start to make sense again. There is room where before there wasn’t. I can highly recommend to detox, de-fluff and de-woolly. The so called important stuff vanishes overnight.

Let go of substance that is not good for you
Let go of things that are unnecessary or burdensome to you
Come back to the essentials. Slow down the vocabulary. Live simply.

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of US (1809 - 1865)

Motivation: drive or drivel?

We all lack the motivation for something sometimes, why is that? Mostly we lose the motivation at work, to do household chores, to visit family we’re not too terribly fond of, to go to a particular party or event. What makes motivation ‘drive’ or ‘drivel’?

A good friend of mine has lost motivation at her work a long time ago. She works in a bureaucratic institution and she told me her boss is a twit. She has no support from her colleagues at work. The directors seem to be taking work away from her, instead of giving her other tasks. The only reason she is there everyday is the paycheck she knows will help her family. She goes through ups and downs trying to keep going until she can pursue another career. How do we cope with being in an environment we do not feel to be inspiring? How much of that feeling do we contribute ourselves? How much of the depressing atmosphere is in fact of our own making? Is it no wonder people react to us the way they do if we’re in a negative state of mind a lot of the time?

Truth is: our attitude towards life (and work) is our own. I have found this even with my work. I really like my work and go through periods of inspired action but also through ones with tedious tasks where I wonder what the heck I’m accomplishing. I think everyone has these periods. I always find that it’s my own decision in fact to not let work or life inspire me. I may have been tired for a while, frustrated at lack of progress or amount of work.

Naturally the odds can be stacked against us or we can blame the recession again. This is called the easy way out. We did however choose to be in this life or work situation so why not stop complaining about it and change things up to the point you can? It’s easy to keep going on and on about a situation and bore your friends and family to tears. How about finding out what it is you can do within the limitations? Truth is others DO NOT care to hear about your complaints or worries. It’s not interesting. Just keep it to yourself and talk about something else instead. It works for me. Focus on what DOES work and what is fun. There’s always SOMETHING and the funny thing is: once you’ve changed your mind things start taking off again. They always do. It can happen in just a few seconds.

What you give attention to grows, what you give energy to expands. You might as well give your energy and attention to positive developments. If that all seems too trying think of this: there are so many people out there surviving on crummy wages and doing mundane activities yet they make the best of it. Most of us should be ashamed to rabbit on about how much 'hard work' our life is. My friend Miranda is happy to be getting up at 5 am every day and doing cleaning work at 6 am every day as she knows it will help her clear negative finances. She is on a mission and proud of it and so am I. The benefit of her work is that she has met a lot of new people that will become new clients to her in future. She sees it as an opportunity to do relationship building, in which she is very good. So out of something that could be uninspiring to the max, she has found a blessing.

So I guess my point is: all of us have a winge now and again. Once or twice is fine, but then it’s time to stop. Just make sure you realize you’re turning into a boring person if you keep at it and it’s not helping yourself at all. I got to the point when I had enough of listening to my inner jabber. I was disappointed with my own attitude. I tend to be a positive person and I was starting to depress myself. Then I had enough. Snap out of it before you stop liking yourself I thought. It worked.

Work is not life but it fills most of our day. We might as well love it. This is your life and your choice. Don’t wait for someone else to give you a solution, it won’t happen. Bugs Bunny is not going to visit and ask you how you’re feeling. Surprise yourself and others by being kind to them and asking them about THEIR day. It’s not all about you, it never was. Make someone else’s day better and you’ll see that your own will start to improve as well. "Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all folks!"

I received a lovely email from my friend Steve as response to my post:

"The main reason that motivation is hard or difficult to generate is that people do not get disturbed enough to change where they are at. With the example of ones job is their pay check and nothing else is more than likely that ones life outside the general 9 to 5 work day is this is all there is. This example unfortunately descibes the hypnotised robotic existance that is most of our lives. Statements like I get to go to work can change ones perspective and how you can look at the earning cycle. What is the earning cycle? Well lets break it down to needs and wants. Needs: we need to house ourselves, feed ourselves and clothe ourselves with the latter a more recent modern concept. Out side of these things there are wants so after we pay rent or mortgage, put adequate food on the table and make sure that we are coverd up appropriately when in public we have whatever is left. Maybe for a car, boat, fast motorcycle a holiday home, a cup of coffee from the local cafe. These are wants. Due to our wanting for something different(work conditions) something more (better pay) something extra (better service) we find ourselves in a state of disatisfaction. We feel that we have no choice. We think that by changing jobs that things will change and sometimes they do but not always.One las thing regading wants is, we all want to be happy and joyful and this can only really come from within. That mindset that when I do this or have that I will be happy. This is far from the truth as we still continue to look for that which will give us what we need from outside of ourselves, when the real truth is when we have different thoughts about something our perception changes and we have now the power to feel good."

Steve

The positive aspects of light addictions

Mine are:

• Hugs
• Chocolate (especially mousse)
• Shoes (you know: heels!)
• Goats (witty and happy)
• My husband (genuine, honest and wise)
• Singing in the car
• Writing blogs
• Hanging out with positive friends (Cara, Susan, Steve, Bill to name a few)
• Pasta… of course!
• Dancing (whatever style)
• Me-time in the weekend (otherwise I go gaga)
  
  Note: by no means am I advocating pursuing dangerous inflictions on your digestive system or otherwise by becoming a negative addict. An addiction that is harmful to yourself can never be a good thing.
  

Recognizing positive addiction

How can you tell whether a favorite activity such as playing golf or working jigsaw puzzles has grown beyond leisure activity into a positive addiction? According to Dr. William Glasser, author of Positive Addiction, the activity gives you such happiness and confidence that you:

· spend about an hour most days engaging in it
· feel discomfort such as anxiety, sluggishness, irritability, etc. when deprived of it

Interesting. Now I haven’t read this book but yes I have to add an addiction to the above list as I forgot about it, can’t believe it.

The following I have found while doing a google

Differentiating positive and negative addiction

In Coping with Addiction, psychologist A. Tom Horvath defines positive addiction as one in which the benefits outweigh the price. Exercise might not always feel easy or comfortable and playing the guitar can cost you in equipment and callused fingertips, but those risks aren’t as weighty as the perks of good health, improved mood, coping with stress, etc. Horvath applauds positive addictions as healthy substitutes for those struggling with negative addictions such as smoking, alcoholism, gambling, etc.
Since Horvath asserts that addictions are considered negative when the price outweighs the benefit, applying this formula to your own habits helps you know if a positive addiction is no longer positive for you. Your habit that seems harmless might not be if it impacts negatively on your health, relationships or work.

Think about whether some of the following conditions apply to you:

· you find it impossible to take a break from the activity, even for illness, a family crisis, etc.
· you continue the activity against your doctor’s orders and jeopardize your health
· you’ve started to exclude other pleasures from your life (such as time with loved ones, other hobbies)
· the activity is all you think and talk about
· loved ones express concern about your behavior
· you are concerned about your behavior
· the activity dominates your life

Here are a few scenarios that might help illustrate when a positive addiction has turned negative:
· continuing to run after your doctor warns that your knee needs a break from high impact
· refusing a break from exercise, golf, gardening, etc. when you have a fever, flu or other illness that requires rest
· being unable to stop knitting or sculpting even when you develop painful carpal tunnel syndrome
· increasing the time you spend on the Internet to the point that your family feels neglected
· not being able to agree with your loved ones on vacation plans for fear that you won’t have access to your activity for 1 week

Resuming balance

If your passion is beginning to feel more like a prison, you’ll agree that it’s time to strive for balance. Sometimes you just can’t recognize how out of balance your life has become because of a habit until your loved ones complain about it. Ask those closest to you if they feel neglected or in any way concerned about an activity you consider a positive addiction. If you suspect that your good habit has gone bad, you can try the following:

· Moderate the activity—reduce the number of hours each week that you engage in it.
· Explore other interests that might meet the same need without threatening your health—replace running with biking or swimming; knitting with a craft that doesn’t bother your wrists; Web surfing with reading, puzzles, etc.
· Seek the help of a mental health professional if you fear your behavior is out of your control.

(Source info:

www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/covacare/Content.do?contentId=9705)

Well there you go! Monitor your chocolate intake…. And your work addiction. But that’s a story for another day. While I’m writing this I have decided I will go home and sing all the way home to my heart’s content. It won’t bother anyone as Nico’s taken our own car with me working late. Oh solo mio…… la la la la

Vacation?

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
(Seth Godin, in his latest book ‘Tribes, We need you to lead us.’)

People have the tendency to not make themselves responsible for their own lives. “No my boss made me work overtime and I hate what I do anyway so it all sucks” “My husband wants me to lose weight and that’s why I come to the pool every day to swim” “He never listens to me and I don’t feel happy in our relationship”. See what I mean?

Yes it’s human to have a good whine to someone else and say boohoo my life is so boring, tough, hard, difficult, lonely, unsuccessful, stressful, unsatisfying or un-fun (if you feel that way, that is). Problem is that IT DOESN”T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER to say these things to other people. Have you realized that?

I was feeling tired last week and had a whinge to my poor mum on the phone. It was so annoying! Basically I wanted a cuddle and for someone to say all right you lovely get of your bottom and get on with it. This is enough and you don't want to act this way. It’s fine to realize I had landed in the old trap again of wanting to achieve too much but the side effects are that it gives me the frusty dusties. So I decided to snap out of it before I had a chance to get the fever of the poor-me-disease. It’s no fun for people around me and it doesn’t get us anywhere EVER.

Right, here’s the recipe for battling boohoo-ness:

a) Give yourself a hug or ask your partner to provide you with a cuddle. (Take it easy on yourself)
b) Find out why you are feeling down, depressed, tired, disappointed, angry etc. Talk about it or write it down. Don’t take it out on others, find a boxing ball instead.
c) Start a diary; write things down often to get it out. That or see a therapist/counselor regularly. (I write this blog and find that helpful, if it’s very personal I write it in my own diary)
d) Start exercising, it gets the stress beasties out of your body and it’s good for the brain. Eat well to compensate for energy loss until you build up more stamina.
e) Team up with a good friend to establish your goals and follow up every week on progress. Share.
f) Don’t desire to do too much (I do and by crikey I’m a hard learner…) and nip perfectionism in the bud. It’s a right killer.
g) Don’t do ANYTHING someone else wants you to unless you want to do it also. Motivation goes down the gurgler if you persist and it causes resentment.
h) Practice your sense of humor. Remember to LAUGH. (Once we were funny, hang on how did it go again?)
i) Take up a weekly hobby or sport that makes you very happy. I absolutely LOVE dancing.
j) See friends and hang out. Enjoy dinners and playing with their kids.
k) Allow yourself to be lazy at times (this I find very hard, sleep in? Like WHEN?)
l) Stick to your new plan! Yeehaaaaaaa. = victory.

The truth is this:
Being grateful creates happiness. Appreciate what IS there, let go of how you think it SHOULD be. And: be patient, things will fall into place. Hang the frust dusty jacket or give it to charity.

Hard times for some

Three of my friends have gone, or are going through, a stage where they are trying to pay off their debt. (Two have been declared bankrupt, the other is in the middle of a lawsuit.) By doing so they had or have no money left to pay for food. It’s a very tough place to be in because it means the following:

· Fessing up to strangers that you did things in the past that led you to ask for a food package from the government or the Sallies.
· Feeling humiliated you’re not able to look after your finances and that you need help
· Having to tell family and friends you got to this point which is usually hugely embarrassing (even though the reasons are varied and understandable)
· Having to learn to look yourself in the face and overcome all the emotional issues and find understanding in yourself
· Get a practical plan in place and make a radical change for the future
· After the initial hubbub accept all that happened, tidy up and move on.

It takes a while to get to that last point. I have great admiration for my friends who have admitted they made mistakes, that they didn’t handle their finances in the best of ways and that they are majorly committed now to sticking with budgets and self restraint. My friends said that some people responded weird, that because they ‘lost face’ they were no longer friends. To me that should tell my friends more about what these ‘supposed’ friends were really like in the first place then what it says about themselves.

I think it does anyone great credit to admit they have done something that wasn't so handy and that they have chosen to face the music and continue on regardless. It’s what makes us human. The fact that people, and friends, may do silly things or make mistakes is not a reason for me to stop being friends with them. I would be a very shallow and unwise person if I were to do that.

A friend of mine always says: “Bless the Crisis, because it creates movement and change”. I think he’s very right. Yes, when you’re in a tight spot or when you are going through hard times it’s not funny at the time but looking back it’s one of the best things that could have happened. Why? Because WE LEARN. Being in a safe unchangeable environment is not going to challenge you nor make you grow. Basically I find if people have nothing going on in their lives they are either Mahatma Ghandi types who are transgressed beyond attachment and judgment (extremely rare breed these) or they are trying to safe-glide through life which really, is incredibly boring! I’m not a boring person myself so I’m not surprised I get to know people who are slightly off the wall. That’s fine with me. Imperfectness is beautiful, perfectness is boring as heck.

Having said that, I wouldn’t suggest creating dramas in your life for the sake of it, but when things do happen, taking a good look and work out what the scenario is. What is the hardest part? What do you hate about it? Anything you resist persists someone else said. It’s very very true. You know how events come back into your life, different people and stage, same topic. It stops once you learn from it, when it changes you. These situations honestly cease to come back. I swear funny but true.

Life is to experience, not to learn from in the sense that we are here only to learn. We acquire wisdom by doing. This includes choosing to do stupid things or making choices where we later go: “Hang on, that wasn’t the brightest idea on the planet.” Still we are people. Can we at least be allowed to be human?

New times

Today I wanted to share a shortened version of an article by the blogger and entrepreneur Steve Pavlina. The man is insightful and I can relate to what he says and thought you would too. I thought the topic Exposing Your Uniqueness is amazingly apt. He writes it so well I don't see the point of repeating him as, after all, we are all best to show the uniqueness of who we are and not borrow that of others. You think about it.

On a day when the 44th President of the US has been inaugurated and the Americans take hold of the future before them, it’s time for all of us to look at what we can do for ourselves, but also for others. There’s no more sitting on your hands, waiting for the economy to get better in order to keep your job and secure your finances, it’s literally a new time. Get to it, there’s plenty to be done and it’s up to each of us to make it work. Be done with the old stuff as it no longer serves you. Start afresh and please, be true.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/ posted 15th of Jan 09
"Most people lead with their sameness and hide their uniqueness, so as to maximize their chance of being accepted by others. I prefer to share my uniqueness openly. As you can probably guess, this exposes me to criticism — sometimes a great deal of criticism. But I’d rather be judged for the man that I am than accepted as someone I pretend to be. (…)

Does it bother you to know that if you totally opened up and shared your real self with the world, warts and all, that you’d attract some criticism, judgment, and condemnation? Would it bother you to discover that some of the harshest judgment might come from the very friends and family you keep right now? (…) When you show the world a false front, the world responds with false acceptance. When you show the world your true self, you’ll receive both harsh judgment as well as genuine acceptance. (…)

There’s something really amazing about being around people who love and accept you as you are. This doesn’t mean such people won’t stimulate and challenge you to grow — in fact, they often will. But it means you can feel totally safe in their presence. There’s no need to worry about being rejected or condemned for being who you are. Being nonjudgmental is a step toward unconditional love. A good place to start on this path is to love and accept yourself. Stop beating yourself up for past mistakes. If you can’t love and accept yourself, you’ll have a hard time loving and accepting others, and vice versa. (…)

The road to misery is trying to satisfy other people’s expectations. Instead of trying to please others, decide to live congruently with your own ideals and values, and allow others the freedom to do the same. Some people will accuse you of being selfish for doing so, when in truth you’re performing one of the most important services this planet needs — demonstrating how to live honestly and authentically.

If you cannot share your true self with the world, your life will be filled with shallow, inauthentic connections at best. The relationship you maintain with your inner self, when you’re all alone with your private thoughts, will be very different than what you experience with other people. Your personality will be split between your private persona and your public one. You will probably crave solitude more and more because at least when you’re alone, you’re free to put down your mask and be yourself, without risking the judgment of others. (…)

Imagine what a delightful world this would be if we were all open and honest with each other, while also being completely accepting and nonjudgmental with respect to our differences. This is the reality I wish to experience. I previously shared this vision in my book as the Oneness World exercise, and it’s also reproduced on this site in the article Oneness. (…)"

Honky dory

When are we feeling fabulous?

When we are happy
When we feel satisfied
When we feel safe
When we are restful
When we are content within ourselves.

Basically: when we are in our happy state of being when we Live In the Now.

Right. So to achieve this state of honky doriness we do many things. Sometimes we do many stupid things but that’s another story. The idea is to Not Do Stuff All The Time and to Avoid Stuffing It Up by resisting that which is. We peoples tend to do way too much. We get confused, we get befuddled, we get compexed, we get hyper or go in over drive. Not pretty.

So remember: feel fabulous, stay in the Now, be happy with all that is and live by Winnie The Pooh attitude: soft and simple wording and gentle actions. (Feel free to include cuddles.)