"in"

My horse has shown me that my own vibe, thought patterns and worries quite literally influence her being. This teaches me to be more aware of cleaning up my own "in" as to address the "output" better. I see it as being responsible for what I let venture out into the world through me. The less I "dump" out "there" the better. The more lightness I sprinkle the more happy my life evolves and the nicer it is for others to be around me. What you have inside you encounter outside.

It has been suggested to me to meditate more. Again. I have found this hard in recent months as I usually race around from the time I get up, then get to work, then come home after a commute to race around again. Most of us call it the "rat-race", the term literally drips with unpleasantness. Time for an upgrade and a healing session. Beep. Beep.

Do we have to make decisions all the time? Yep. Can we have a holiday? Perhaps. The point however is not to find an escape from our busy lives -maybe some reprieve can be useful to rethink our approach-, but more so to live life from a steady point of being, which in turn is always in motion. Life is change. There is no way we can remain the same, nor should we want to. I think once we feel at peace with where we are, how we feel and who we are, the easier things get every day (I have said this before so I feel like I keep repeating myself).

Usually when I figured something out, then there is something else to figure out. This will continue. I am happy about that. I think I have come to terms with the fact I will never grow up but will always develop. It's more like a re-aquainting sort of exercise. Like an oh yesssss that's right that's what it is. Only to find that the red has turned pink with orange hues which in turn has started to emit ferret noises attempting to sound like an opera. Fascinating. It's a change from the giraffe last week.

So the bumper sticker may change every week and the whole car every year but the one driving the vehicle remains the everlasting driving force. Bonsai on!

bounce

We bounce

through life

Not always knowing

where we land

Does it matter?

Turning off the headspace

and opening the heart space

Shows us a new world of wonder

Usually the hardest combat

is not with a someone 'out there'

but dealing with the turmoil inside

that phases out when we focus again on love

The most uplifting times can be had

after we have fallen smack bang on our face

and in our despair realize

That there is always more then that.

Make peace with it.

Bounce.

photo copyrighted. pictured: chookBFF Greta and myself on the farm

he said, she said

She said:

There's no words anymore

He said:

It's all been said anyway

She said:

I don't feel respected anymore

He said:

You don't have respect for me

She said:

I wonder what else there is

He said:

I'm too tired to think about anything

She said:

I guess this is the end

He said:

You said it.

She said:

Why are we not really sad?

He said:

We have been over this so many times

She said:

I miss what I remember

He said:

I remember what I miss

She said:

Give me some space please

He said:

I'm fully spaced out.

She said:

So now what do we do?

He said:

I want the stereo

She said:

I'm staying here

He said:

That's fine I'm going away

She said:

So that's how we stop?

He said:

That's how we start again

She said:

I like to believe it will stop hurting

He said:

I hurt because I stopped believing

She said:

Let's not talk later then

He said:

Later has gone now too.

She said:

At least I'll have some peace

He said:

At least there will be some quiet.

She said:
...
He said:
...

movement alights

Loie Fuller, the once famous American dancer living in France in the 1900s who became an overnight success in 1892, was in fact: "something of a paradox. A tall and lovely sylph in posters and sculptures, she was in reality a rather chubby woman with a fairly plain face. A dance innovator, she possessed no formal training in choreography. Eventually a cofounder of art museums, she had never even seen an art exhibit before going to Paris at the age of thirty."



It must have been a huge exercise in those days, over a century ago, to make one's living as a woman who's husband turned out not to be a bigamist, but a trigamist and she could only rely on herself. "What she did have, in addition to her winning ways, was a dauntless will to get ahead, together with enough intelligence, resourcefulness, and ingenuity to give effect to that will. These qualities were not only recognized but often admired by others, including the prominent art critic Arsene Alexandre, who in 1900 lauded her vitality and positive drive and proclaimed her to be a very pushing woman in the best sense of the word. The strength of these traits enabled her to keep going in the face of repeated disappointments and disasters."
(source quotes NYTimes)

So how did Loie develop her unique form of dance?

"Images were projected onto fabric through the use of calcium lights, drapery and magic lanterns (a type of early slide projector). Fountains lit with multi-coloured lights that she saw in Paris, as well as the skirt dances performed at London's Gaity Theatre all influenced her own presentations."
source: Artsalive

So the question becomes: do we create our best work because we get the idea while working away, or do we simply create it, because we have a strong urge to survive? This lady managed to stun everyone in her time period with something no one had ever seen by introducing new ways to light the dress, to move differently. She completely overhauled the concept of what dance was. Sadly the chemicals she used to light her theater work proved fatal for her health in the end, yet her beautiful legacy remains.

narrative

We always talk. Even when we don't speak. It's a funny thing.

Melanie Kay makes art. Not just any of course, but one made from a "moral narrative". She tells stories by stitching visuals on recycled beer cans. Why does she do this? "The desire for my work to be meaningful influences the things that interest and astound me which in turn influences the way in which I work."

The idea is that she makes her art, it will be visually interesting and then the story will start to be told as people will want to know what it is about. "Using beer cans as a surface for my work has meant that I have had to be innovative in the way in which I transfer imagery onto the cans. I begin my illustrations mostly in pencil and then use various textile techniques to transfer the imagery onto the cans including, printing, heat pressed textile vinyl, hand and machine embroidery." Yes her art works are very much "social objects" which I have written about before, based on artist Hugh MacLeod's lovely stories.

Photos: Melanie Kay

The process of making art is always interesting. At artschool emphasis is put on developing one's "theory" (this seems to be the same on different continents I have discovered). Reality teaches us that most artists simply discover techniques or how to make their art by simply "doing" (aka mucking around, twiddling or fidgeting) not by concocting a pretty laid out "how-to" before hand. How Melanie came up with her "beer can" story board, read more about that here.

That's the first start right there!

The second... transformation in progress...
and:

end result! Certainly not any beer can surface is it?. "You are not in Kansas anymore" as they say. Nope, Melanie Kay went off to many places, including Dublin. Well done!

And it turns out I have come a fellow animal nut. Marvellous! Blog post here.
I hope to see more news come out about Melanie's career which looks promising indeed.

animal communication

You know how you get out of bed and at times you think: what activity makes me the happiest to go and do? We all have that. I have been trying several things aside of working in the interior design industry since 2003. What I have always been crazy about, without exception, are animals. Furry preferably but even chooks can be a true delight (and I don't mean to eat). As my father was allergic to animals we could only have fish at home. Fortunately at the end of the street the council had built a mini petting zoo with goats on this grass field. I've had a soft spot for goats ever since I was able to visit them before and after school and see the baby goats grow up.

(photo of some of our fuzz friends in the front field)
Over the years I have been reading books and trying out things in regards to understanding animals. This has been increasingly interesting! Last weekend I had a goat whispering session with an ex feral goat called Paddy. His human mum had had him in a small field because Paddy seemed to always want to be the boss and chase other smaller animals around (and even had bowled people over on occasion). His mum didn't like that very much. But Paddy got lonely and let me know that he would very much like to be close to the other animals and talk to them. He had gotten sad and demure, unlike his usual fun spirit. I told his mum of what I received and suggested Paddy'd be put with 3 donkeys in another field. She agreed and Paddy moved in and started to dance around the donkeys and proceeded to hug one with enthusiasm by scratching her neck. She let him.

(It's baby goat boom time! Cute fuzz balls everywhere!)

I feel people forget that our pets have emotions and wishes of their own. They are not "dumb". In many ways they are like children: they want things, they can even demand things, but it would be good if we chose to respect what they wish to say and listen to it. We can say no and explain why. I have two goat boys hanging out with a horse and a jersey cow at the moment. One is the buck and he can't be with the girls as they are giving birth to baby goats right now plus we don't want them impregnated until May. I have found it helpful to explain to the goat boys that they have to live somewhere else because the girls are busy and that they will be allowed back in a few months. At first they were a bit scared of the horse but it only took a day or so for them to walk close to her and now the tall mare doesn't worry them one little bit. Animals are very capable to socialize with other species, unlike humans. They always amaze me with this.

(miss Rosie she is a zesty friend)
I'm currently reading books by Amelia Kinkade, a lady who can speak with animals. I enjoy her stories and her wisdom. Her excercises are very helfpul to aid in further developing skills. Have you tried to figure out what your pet is saying? Behaviour is always telling as we are generally so inept to understand their language which mainly consists of feelings and images. If they are ignored they start barking, being naughty, soiling or chewing. If they are in pain they find a quiet spot, moan or look listless and stop eating. It's by caring that we can spot what the story is.

In general we can pick up many things as long as we pay attention. I have found that the trick is to not fill in the blanks which can be hard. So in order to shut up the chatter box that is our minds we can find it helpful to take a walk, go to the beach, meditate, sit somewhere quietly. It's astounding what we start to notice once we take our foot of the pre programmed accelarator. Have you tried this lately? Have you stopped talking in order to listen better? What was said?

Delwyn

There's nothing corny

and nothing callously old story
about breast cancer,

just a funny odd feeling on one side you said.

The cancer is now dying within you

as you are living beautifully with it.

Your vibrancy outshines the dark lump

that it once was.

Your new look is Sinead O'Connor

and people make misguided comments

turning bright red when you

tell them your straightforward truth.

Blessed are you and determined with heart.

Angels surround you,

whispering soft songs in your ear.

Carrying you in their love forever.

partnership

Last week a new animal joined our menagerie of fuzzie-family on the farm: a horse. I was as surprised as you to hear about it as it all happened very fast. In any case: here Silky arrived and my what a power house she is! A wise and beautifully proud thoroughbred, she got the gist of me quickly and is very kind to me. She absolutely adores my husband.

If you have never been around horses: they are literally a different breed. For starters they are herd animals and very very observant of humans. Uncanningly so. To say that I would be in future teaching the horse anything is a misguided statement: I will do no such thing. The horse teaches the horse, and the horse teaches me. "Soft handling makes for soft horses". (It doesn't mean I can go and act like a pussy, it means I have to lead by example. How I treat her is how she will treat me.)

How can you follow and trust another being if you don't "get" what they're like? There's nothing like getting focused and clearer about yourself then working with animals and in my case, with a horse. They will tell you. They will mirror your gnawing doubts or your silly behaviour and especially your ignorance. They will take charge when you don't simply because they test you and when you doubt yourself they will know and run with their fancies. They can be cheeky buggers when given the opportunity. It really depends on how steadfast you are to what degree the horse trusts you and will follow you.

Rest assured I will not go into girly fluffy Odes to the Horses, that was not my intention. I'm fascinated by the horse, that she after 16 years is still happy and full of energy despite being taken off a meat truck and having been moved from place to place as a rescue horse. Thoroughbreds are race horses and that's generally what they do. Silky has numbers tattooed on her but I haven't delved into her history as yet. I wish to get to know her as she is now, her past is not relevant as such.

Did you know that horses mostly learn by release of pressure? They don't learn from pain, that's when they just shut it out and ignore it. They respond mostly to subtle changes and naturally respond big time to big changes in their environment. I find this fascinating. It means when interacting with them, that it's vital to "think like a horse" which goes through anticipating, sensing and behaving like a herd animal, and to be more precise: a prey animal, as we humans are the incessant predator types. So I have to be aware of how my behaviour affects the horse and how she will feel about it. All the time. It's quite different then say cattle, horses are more articulate in their responding to us.

I'm deliberately taking my time with Silky. She is still getting used to our place, the noises (doesn't seem to fond of tractors) and gets a bit possesive if Rosie the jersey cow gets more attention then she does. Also what's interesting is who is the "top-mare" (me in this case) and how we stand in each others personal space.

Animals are very much like humans. They have desires, they want to have a clean warm bed, good food and assurance there will be love and cuddles in a place of safety. To me it's important we develop our trust rapport and that she gets used to us doing things together like walking, grooming, foot work, putting things on her back, before I even put a saddle near her. I also have bought a saddle measure device to make sure a saddle is right for her and that back problems won't be an issue. Horse problems often get blamed on the horse whereas they can be as simple of using the wrong gear that hurts them, or having been let down the bad habits path by people who didn't realize what they were teaching.

Partnership, not so much leadership, requires patience and understanding. It also I find is a matter of mostly self responsibility. As a Danish horse whisperer puts it: the horse will want to follow you if you not only do things right but "be" right. It's a co-creation dance. Be aware, and appreciative, and many things will naturally develop, and all will flow from there. So I've started from the assumption and resolve that I feel right within myself, and trust myself, so that she can trust me and that way we can rely on each other in this parnership. Mainly we want to have tons of fun! I know she wants to trot and run too, but all in good time. In building friendship with a horse, going slow makes sure things go smoothly and ultimately: better.

flow

sometimes I do not know what I will write

and I needn't worry

as words flow from me

like water from a stream

turning off my head

is opening up my heart

and right now it's filled with so much

compassion that I cry.

I sob because the ones we love leave us

be it only from the physical plane

as love is eternal and so are all beings

whether they are bugs, beast or humans.

So for the tears and the sorrow

It's mostly because I feel so much love

that I don't know what to do with:

so much energy wells up in me

Blessed are we who dare to love

Who dare to cry with the acceptance of that light

It takes courage to shine, to be who we are

Loving ourselves is something we tend to forget

Being able to receive the love

from others is opening that door for ourselves,

allowing the possibility of pain in as well as the love,

as really it's the endless joy we know it all really to be.

unity

Unification

is the start of embrace

the sharing of heart

the opening up of us, the seeing of all.

The battle has died

before they thought it begun

Because many made the changing decision

to live differently, as they feel differently now.

Our children

are born with more attributes

talents so bright, both in light as in being.

We will see those big changes as intent moves them.

We are not alone.

We are all indeed the same and also belong with others.

Unify our best intentions and our biggest dreams

and lo and behold! The new earth is showing itself already.

Understanding dawns along with a newfound desire.

Unity.

And through that the expression of love.

Photo by Janice Ward -copyrighted and reprinted here with permission.