"in"

My horse has shown me that my own vibe, thought patterns and worries quite literally influence her being. This teaches me to be more aware of cleaning up my own "in" as to address the "output" better. I see it as being responsible for what I let venture out into the world through me. The less I "dump" out "there" the better. The more lightness I sprinkle the more happy my life evolves and the nicer it is for others to be around me. What you have inside you encounter outside.

It has been suggested to me to meditate more. Again. I have found this hard in recent months as I usually race around from the time I get up, then get to work, then come home after a commute to race around again. Most of us call it the "rat-race", the term literally drips with unpleasantness. Time for an upgrade and a healing session. Beep. Beep.

Do we have to make decisions all the time? Yep. Can we have a holiday? Perhaps. The point however is not to find an escape from our busy lives -maybe some reprieve can be useful to rethink our approach-, but more so to live life from a steady point of being, which in turn is always in motion. Life is change. There is no way we can remain the same, nor should we want to. I think once we feel at peace with where we are, how we feel and who we are, the easier things get every day (I have said this before so I feel like I keep repeating myself).

Usually when I figured something out, then there is something else to figure out. This will continue. I am happy about that. I think I have come to terms with the fact I will never grow up but will always develop. It's more like a re-aquainting sort of exercise. Like an oh yesssss that's right that's what it is. Only to find that the red has turned pink with orange hues which in turn has started to emit ferret noises attempting to sound like an opera. Fascinating. It's a change from the giraffe last week.

So the bumper sticker may change every week and the whole car every year but the one driving the vehicle remains the everlasting driving force. Bonsai on!

flow

sometimes I do not know what I will write

and I needn't worry

as words flow from me

like water from a stream

turning off my head

is opening up my heart

and right now it's filled with so much

compassion that I cry.

I sob because the ones we love leave us

be it only from the physical plane

as love is eternal and so are all beings

whether they are bugs, beast or humans.

So for the tears and the sorrow

It's mostly because I feel so much love

that I don't know what to do with:

so much energy wells up in me

Blessed are we who dare to love

Who dare to cry with the acceptance of that light

It takes courage to shine, to be who we are

Loving ourselves is something we tend to forget

Being able to receive the love

from others is opening that door for ourselves,

allowing the possibility of pain in as well as the love,

as really it's the endless joy we know it all really to be.

focus

I'm reading a number of books at the moment, most likely too many. I think this gives a good indication where my mind has been: in too many places. I'm toning myself down again. Not only has it been a time to regroup on the weekend but also a time to re-choose regarding where my priorities lie. All of us experience this. How to go about your life and what to busy yourself with.

Reading (finally) Napoleon Hill's book (I love the 70s crumpled version I have) it has made me realize hey there's simply no way and no point to dilute my energy to such a point of exhaustion, that one wonders what the heck the point was of starting an activity in the first place. (Anyone recognize this? I bet you do.)

So I am asking myself the question I think many of us tend to forget: what. do. I. really. want. to. do? I'm not talking about just an idea or 'yep that will do'. I'm talking about the kind of conviction that wakes you up in a tizzy of excitement. One that you just KNOW is right and that needs your attention. It keeps you fuelled and running around with a smile on your face.

You see we THINK we know what we want to do, but really we usually want to play and do so many things. Ah how about this? Yes usually it is fun for a while but then later we may realize we had enough. This can be fine or dangerous, the latter mainly when you're sharing the activity with others. So I thought about it as I am much more in favor of working on exciting projects or work that will carry on for more then just one year. (I'm not the quick excited social bunny I used to be.)

Desire.
Purpose.
Thoughts.
Ideas.
Manifestation.
Goals.
Results.
Process.
Achievements.
Growth.
Expansion.

In my case I know for a fact that what I do now, I will not be doing in 5 years time. What I want to do in my entire life are various things that I have trouble choosing a small selection from. So I considered choosing 1 predominant activity and one sub activity and going with that, opposed to 4. That feels better. There are overlaps in my smorgasboard of options so I need to clarify those.

The exercise of the Focus Wheel came to mind. Therefore I've taken an A4 and actually have drawn my desires on it and written the statements. Wishes have nothing to do with it. I'm not talking fluffy bunny-ing in the park here, it's about defogging the mirror and uplifting the goal. (Join me and dot yours down.) The Focus Wheel is great for general statements about how you feel about something.

I figured that my problem has been too many desires, more like fleeting desires or wants instead of longer term pursuits. Many artists have this dilemma. It doesn't mean I want to stick with one desire forever as I know I would like to experience new things once I have mastered one aspect. My current work activities all deserve attention, but how much? And does it really? These continue to be big and good questions. It's all beneficial to go through writing it down and clearing the head (Mooodlies of course stays). I've made a lot of progress over the years but I reckon I could do better.

First I decided to do the focus wheel and then to work out the nitty gritty of eliminating problem areas from my to do list. As quite a few are longer term they need to be divided in steps to process everything more easily. I have always found this challenging: how to keep an eye on so many things with different time frames? It's like playing 3d Chess where multiple games are played at the one time with one board. Exactly. It's not just a matter of cramming it in my agenda or keeping a large wall planner.

So I have started narrowing it down. You know zooming in style. Questions, problems, dilemmas and then its options. This helps to basically help decide to go over all options and determine the solution I like best, then it's far easier to carry the work out and done! This doing and finishing is vital. Self discipline is certainly essential in this process. Finishing small jobs and projects brings both satisfaction and progress. Also it is essential to kick butt in order to move quickly through the river of mud.

So what do we need to add to the list above (that Napoleon Hill also mentioned)? Perseverence and dedication. Not in a flog yourself way, but a focused self steering way. It needn't be hard either as it contributes to the main desire. I believe that one can achieve many goals and ideas-brought-to-life when we are happily and energetically dedicated and we finally have a grasp on our organizing capabilities. Did I mention delegating and outsourcing is beneficial? Do it.

Nico and I have decided to watch less tv, we already stopped watching daily tv shows, I'm talking about the occasional dvd or watching a serie. We are cutting this back too. Why? Because we noticed that instead of relaxing-time we'd still feel tired so it would be more sensible to cut it out alltogether or limit it severely and read a book or do some other work we can enjoy that quiets the mind. (Apparently this zenning of activities helps to relax and create more space for yourself!) What energizes you really? Do that most. Ditch the rest I say.
(It is SO well phrased in this great post here by Scott Scheper as a Zen Master tells him how it's done.)

Which brings me to focusing again and the bottomline: Keeping It Simple Stupid.
Narrowing down the most important things for you and how to manage these are of course essential. Then there's the how-close-do-you-stay-to-your-own-truth? Not the gospel kind altough that could certainly have something to do with it but the kind that says: hang on am I still doing what I want to be doing? If you, like me, have times when you seriously wonder why you do what you do at times then yes it's time for a time out and overhaul of existing beliefs and actions. Sweep it baby!

Our lives in this physical format do not last indefintely, which means we would do well to get a focused grap on our time. So back to the focus wheel: how do you feel about what you are doing? And on time management: how effective are you really in finishing things? And as the Zen Master said: our today's world is so full of distractions that we have trouble distracting ourselves from it. So what do we need to do in order to manage our lives well?

1. Use a weekly planner
2. A year planner (this has my vote)
3. Focus list (generally 3 things for every day segment opposed to 40.)

Combining the desire as the focused feeling and the effective carrying out of that focus brings you results AND satisfaction. It however asks of you to: dedicate yourself and put yourself first. A change in habits and in thinking will bring you more fun!

(note: I will give myself one month to stick with this consistent plan like a fly on poop or a garden gnome on his gardenflowers and then see how the results speak for themselves! I think I will see an increase in effective productivity, results and I will feel better about it too.)

the weight

For Annie
(in Christchurch)

When the days darken

And you think life grows short
and all seems to hard too carry.

Just breathe.

In.

Out.

It's the simple things that count.

Let go of worry and fear as they are

the distracters.

Not the love that already was.

And the light that still shines in you.

Carry not other's burdens

As this way you darken yourself needlessly.

Because you are not alone and neither are they

and help is always there when you want it.
Even if they are un-well. 
Even when things lie broken at your feet.

Picture yourself in a good place

As well as your others.

You will build it all

when you can see it again.
And you can carry yourself - always.

Gently breathe.

In.

Out.

expectations

Most of us carry images in our mind of how the world should be. When reality and those inner images don't overlap or struggle to come to a meet, we generally experience strong emotions as  a result. In the past I observed the bumps and bruises expectations can create when they are not met in my own family. It's not so much painful to me to see this when I am involved, but more so when I'm not as it makes me sad.

What I find funny is my occasional 'bumps' and 'hiccups'. Just when I think I'm on a road of being at peace with things and feeling energetic something might throw me off balance unexpectedly. Then I'm thinking ok what have I done NOW? Sometimes I can laugh about it, other times I call myself an idiot. Usually it's about something I failed to recognize, like say discovering an old habit that I have been ignoring or seeing that my attitude needs re-aligning in an area.

Making small steps and changing the images of our desired life in our minds to a fairly upbeat realistic scenario is more preferable. Self acceptance can be trying if we keep battling parts of who we are: demanding of ourselves to be this or that no matter what. The thing is too that it's not other people's job to live up to your expectations to ease your life, it's your job to live up to yours. And preferably: you will be nice to yourself in the process.

Try and appreciate others even if they don't conform to your expressed or unexpressed wishes. Wouldn't it be a lot nicer if we set each other free? It would surely take the pressure off. And we would be far more fun to be around each other.

So really: trying to accommodate other people's expectations is very hard work, but your own can be such a struggle too. And it doesn't need to be. It takes a lot of willpower to stay true to ourselves and to let others do things their way. Trust that other people are experts at running their own lives, making their own choices, even if you don't see the wisdom of it. You may not be holding all the cards. Let them go.

And have a laugh. I know I am for being such a muppet! (That post was almost too serious for my own good. Time to move on. Have a fab weekend!)

law of attraction

Ever heard of the Law of Attraction or LOA? You may have, you surely have heard of the Secret. As with many things, timeless principles are re marketed and most of it is ancient. The usual bla bla?


Thought creates matter through vibration (as thought is energy - ever realized the structure of water changes depending on what thought is focused on it? Read about that later here it's fascinating). So what are we rabbiting about here?

1. What is alike attracts, whether you are thinking or feeling positive or negative about it.
2. Your feelings are your indicator of whether you are being true to yourself or not. Emotions are extremely strong in adding to your reality, quite literally.
3. Focus on what you want and it will expand, but focus on what you don't want and it works the same.
4. Become aware: tune into your own radio station regularly and pay attention and then switch the dial to positive again if you're a bit "off".
5. No wonder meditation can be helpful, as it quiets the mind and you are more likely to hear the silence: thus receiving helpful input from upstairs (if you don't believe in that sort of thing at least you will be able to relax).
6. Set your goals but as an idea to work towards and to realize it's is definitely coming. This will bring it to you, but without focusing on that it's not here yet. (Yes it can seem fuzzy. Just practice.)
7. The amount of active intention (read: emotion) you add to whatever it is you focus on, will increase the effectiveness of that which will become. It literally empowers it and makes it grow.
8. How quickly things change depends on how clearly you feel and focus upon that which you envision, and how true it feels to you.

The reason I write about it here is because I 'work' with the above ideas and have for years, without realizing it first. Then I met people, I read, I did a whole bunch of courses but ultimately: things fell into place. All the humdrum started to make more and more sense. Very handy this inner knowing jazz. I really enjoy it, because it so simple and yet it always works.


The most fun is to be had when you feel happy. From a joyous place expansion can take place and wonderful things seem to happen. If we're angry what we will literally create is more upset in our life. It's interesting that people who talk much about ilnesses become ill, those who worry have -and continue to have it seems- more problems, those who want to control their lives have a hard time (pushing up hill and getting exhausted) and those who always laugh have more fun and seem to always 'get lucky'. Hm. Why is that? Also: how come that the ones who are wealthy only seem to get wealthier? Because they are used to having and feeling the financial abundance and they expect it. What you think about you become. What you focus on you create more of. That is why some people seem to be stuck in the same over and over and why most keep having the same sort of relationships or problems. I know it sounds yadda yadda, but really; think about it with examples you see in your daily life. 


There is a lot of things we don't quite understand about how life works. I use my inner guidance system and it has served me well. I pick up things about people, I get spontaneous ideas, I try to be sensible and not judge situations, but rather 'read' a lot between the lines. I trust that everyone does what they need to do what's in their best interest and I have come to fully understand that. It's not about right or wrong, there is no such thing. There is only perception and what you do with it. I love designing which I do. I love animals and I have a farm. I am still with my dearest and we only appreciate each other more every year. Of course I have been an idiot at times. Despite the embarrassment it taught me many things. So actually any crisis or mistake can be extremely useful. More so sometimes then when we just toodle along.


There is a lot to be said about living the good life, but really: it's about what you envision and what you intend to do with it that makes it exciting. I think most of all it's important to enjoy being ourselves and to trust what we feel is right, always. And yes, to appreciate all around us including all the people in it. What I try to do is become more aware of my emotional state and keep hoisting up my happy attitude whenever I find myself on the downside. This way I 'recover' more quickly and have better and better days. 


The key is to see that there is a lot in your life you can like and appreciate. Do what you feel is best for you. The point is you are more linked to other beings then you think. Being gratefull and being generous is a normal every day thing to me and it makes me happy. It also seems to make others happy which is even more groovy. My goats always seem to be happy and I love their attitude. They are truly enlightening. They have got a terrific life so it must work for them too. 


Basically I'm in the business of upliftiness. I get a real kick seeing other people excited and thriving. And really if it works out so well, why ignore it?


The secret behind the secret: here
For an introduction: Esther Hicks: on the Law of Attraction: vid
Their website: Abraham Hicks