what's in a name?

There is something very endearing about nick names. I was reminded this weekend when the hubbaliscious and myself were visiting the neighbours, discussing farm machinery, puppies (they have quite a few) and the hay paddock that alas this year had been unable to be used for baleage due to much rain. Our neighbour lady has one of the cutest nicknames ever. She is known far and wide as "Blossy" aka Blossem. Kids call her aunty Bloss (true story).

Once I thought about it I know that most people have quite a few names, including myself. So why do we give others nick names? Mostly because of fondness I think. Because someone is special to us, and we love them. (Well we do hope so: let's go with that.)

As Steve Wilson mentions in his post on "Why do we give other people nick names?": "Nicknames signify importance". So it's almost an honourary title! Who knew. Naturally it works the other way around as well, Obama held a speech at the White House dinner the other day and confronted ''The Donald" (as meastro Trump is well known by) and creating laughs about Donald Trump's insisting questions regarding the authenticity of President Obama's birth certificate.

The question is whether to worry about nick names at all. If you like them fine. If you don't like them, maybe learn to appreciate them. As my grandfather used to say: "it doesn't matter what people call you, as long as they talk about you."

I have just joined the Haggus Society. This is a group of Women Artist Bitches. Yep you heard me. I'm a Bitch y'all. I'm not 40 yet but Terri Lloyd its founder is inclined to  waver the age restriction for me because "I'm such a hag". (For what defines a hag read all the intruiging info here. Mind you I still have to do the admission test oh Lordy!!) Terri is a professional artist based in Los Angeles and goes by the name of Pink Buddha. I sometimes call her Buddha babe depending on my mood. I love her yamies and her big head. She is crazy and lovely. Look at the garden she has. I wonder how she grows those heads.)

So what's in a name?
Whatever we want it to be I think.

Signed: Mirjam/Mary Moo/M/M's/Mir/Mirke/Jampie/Jampes

What's yours? Are you proud of your nick names?

personally

This last week I have noticed numerous instances where people online have entered comments to defend their hurt feelings regarding online topic debates or to simply observe participants at play. Fascinating. As many of us spend so much time online, including grandmothers and grandfathers who are a growing demographic on Facebook, we are taking the daily conversation to the inter-sphere. Nothing new there, but how we incorporate these platforms IS. It is likely we will see increases of different and more seamlessly joined forms of communication, both technically based, and not. It's an exciting time to live in.

So why is the way of communication changing? Not just because we have access to all the techy gizmos. We basically upgraded to other forms of connection then we did previously. Mind you we still stand around the bbq in summer and catch up on all the highs and lows too, as we have physical bodies to sustain. Online at times we seem to be more honest then we would be in real life, giving our opinion more readily. On the other hand there are plenty of people who enjoy the game of make pretend. Calling people names or sharing our inner most secrets is really an individual choice. The whole behavioral dynamic is what I personally find most wonderful to watch.

And then there is the choice you have to make in all aspects: how much do you want to share? Once it's out there it's hard if not impossible to erase. The written or video-made testimony is out there for as long as there is internet. I have discussed this with various people. The credo is: if you don't have anything to hide, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. On the same token: common sense rules. Always remember, as you do offline and online, the rules of the game are the same: if you behave like a jerk people will stop wanting to play with you and no longer choose to respect or like your word. Social online communication does require some skill and practice. Being a douche doesn't. Something to ponder.

A good friend of mine says: "don't take it personally". There is truly a lot of wisdom in that.

treatment

I like writing about people, not about individuals in a gossipy manner, but how all of us are exploring this vast universe, our world, our private thoughts, our interactions with others. One of my goals is to offer information about these explorations to many people who are looking for it, to meet others and to share knowledge. I would be the first to say: hello you! I'm learning too!

If you would live by yourself all the time, like a hermit, what would you learn really? Don't we learn most when we are interacting with others? At times, the more friction, or upset, the more we can learn, although I wouldn't advocate starting arguments or wars in order to achieve that progress. I read somewhere that the people who challenge us the most, who touch us deeply or simply piss us off beyond belief, are our best teachers. I think this is very accurate.

Instead of perceiving other people as the ones who I'd never like to see again and stay far away from, I have found that it actually doesn't bother me anymore, quite literally too, if I do run into them on occasion it's all fine with me. This is a funny thing and surprisingly: offers great freedom. I can actually wish them well, even if I choose not to be friends with them anymore. I guess we can only be "free" from those, if we have learned to let go of the notion  that we somehow have to "be right" at the end of the conversation, or the silly idea that we always know best. I prefer to think of it as a wise and mature approach, and whenever I catch myself being stuck in an "ego" debate I try to look past whatever it is and "get over it" by realizing I'm being petty or that I don't know all the details.

Being right has never brought anyone anything, except ignorance and arrogance. Haven't we got better things to do? Aren't all of us here to do the same thing? To experience, to grow, and to have fun in a loving and preferably more or less safe environment? I like the idea of treating everyone I meet as if they were related to me in some fashion. This automatically meant I would treat them well, support them in whatever they do and help them if asked for. I will not ask them for anything, as I have all I need inside of me and everyone has got enough to do already. Still, many manage to surprise me with their love, friendship and honesty. To me, that is the most valuable thing of all.

expectations

Most of us carry images in our mind of how the world should be. When reality and those inner images don't overlap or struggle to come to a meet, we generally experience strong emotions as  a result. In the past I observed the bumps and bruises expectations can create when they are not met in my own family. It's not so much painful to me to see this when I am involved, but more so when I'm not as it makes me sad.

What I find funny is my occasional 'bumps' and 'hiccups'. Just when I think I'm on a road of being at peace with things and feeling energetic something might throw me off balance unexpectedly. Then I'm thinking ok what have I done NOW? Sometimes I can laugh about it, other times I call myself an idiot. Usually it's about something I failed to recognize, like say discovering an old habit that I have been ignoring or seeing that my attitude needs re-aligning in an area.

Making small steps and changing the images of our desired life in our minds to a fairly upbeat realistic scenario is more preferable. Self acceptance can be trying if we keep battling parts of who we are: demanding of ourselves to be this or that no matter what. The thing is too that it's not other people's job to live up to your expectations to ease your life, it's your job to live up to yours. And preferably: you will be nice to yourself in the process.

Try and appreciate others even if they don't conform to your expressed or unexpressed wishes. Wouldn't it be a lot nicer if we set each other free? It would surely take the pressure off. And we would be far more fun to be around each other.

So really: trying to accommodate other people's expectations is very hard work, but your own can be such a struggle too. And it doesn't need to be. It takes a lot of willpower to stay true to ourselves and to let others do things their way. Trust that other people are experts at running their own lives, making their own choices, even if you don't see the wisdom of it. You may not be holding all the cards. Let them go.

And have a laugh. I know I am for being such a muppet! (That post was almost too serious for my own good. Time to move on. Have a fab weekend!)