self responsibility

I am SO rejoicing in what is happening in friends and family's lives at the moment. One friend has started a new career and is bound to be absolutely awesome at it, another friend has decided that doing what she loves is more important then her career: she is going on a world trip -cycling accross many continents for a year, another friend is contemplating divorce and following his inner radar, he has been putting this decision off for a few years but is now ready for it and me: well I again made peace with what is, celebrate my wonderful life and have gone on exploration and doing training. I keep hearing that it's a time that is very busy, often times stressful or plain derailing for many people. The good news is that many seem to wake up to the fact that many things have happened because of the choices they have made themselves.

As one friend said to me today: it's about self responsibility.

We can decide to blame governments for the economy being crap, or our spouse being afwul, or our work being sh*t, but at the end of the day we usually find out that hey we did choose to study or not, have a study debt or not, support the government we have or not, have the partner we wanted or not, are alone or not, know what we want or not right now, follow our gut feelings or not, live wisely or not, have money or not, choose to be happy despite anything... or not. Either way it doesn't matter in the big scope of things all these details: it matters to us only what we feel we want to do right? Whether we feel we matter, whether our connection to the larger part of who we are (some call this God) means anything, whether we wil be happy with what we are doing now and on and on. My we get busy thinking about stuff don't we?

Ultimately: this is our life. We do the best we can in deciding how to choose and navigate our way through it. But to blame anyone outside of us for anything that doesn't work the way we want it to, is outdated. It also very conditional. In case you have forgotten as well from time to time: love is unconditional. Yes that applies to yourself too. Stop beating yourself up already. So you are searching. Groovy! Shake it baby.

This is your life remember? Do you want change? Work it dude! You are the only one who can effectively bring about the change you want to see. You ARE the change you want to see. Stop whining to other people how it should be for you instead of how it is, just go work on how it will become already!

Lots of love.

seriously?

No. Often things are too serious already. We try too hard. Does that really help? Hm?


Generally we find we have to make light of a situation. Being stuck in the mud only teaches us to get very muddy boots (I literally experienced this yesterday when my husband and I were building enclosures for our two wild piglets). Better to have a laugh and move on.


I like to share this video today which I think teaches us to never complain again. There is no use for such a pass time although all of us have done this from time to time. How do you feel today?

expectations

Most of us carry images in our mind of how the world should be. When reality and those inner images don't overlap or struggle to come to a meet, we generally experience strong emotions as  a result. In the past I observed the bumps and bruises expectations can create when they are not met in my own family. It's not so much painful to me to see this when I am involved, but more so when I'm not as it makes me sad.

What I find funny is my occasional 'bumps' and 'hiccups'. Just when I think I'm on a road of being at peace with things and feeling energetic something might throw me off balance unexpectedly. Then I'm thinking ok what have I done NOW? Sometimes I can laugh about it, other times I call myself an idiot. Usually it's about something I failed to recognize, like say discovering an old habit that I have been ignoring or seeing that my attitude needs re-aligning in an area.

Making small steps and changing the images of our desired life in our minds to a fairly upbeat realistic scenario is more preferable. Self acceptance can be trying if we keep battling parts of who we are: demanding of ourselves to be this or that no matter what. The thing is too that it's not other people's job to live up to your expectations to ease your life, it's your job to live up to yours. And preferably: you will be nice to yourself in the process.

Try and appreciate others even if they don't conform to your expressed or unexpressed wishes. Wouldn't it be a lot nicer if we set each other free? It would surely take the pressure off. And we would be far more fun to be around each other.

So really: trying to accommodate other people's expectations is very hard work, but your own can be such a struggle too. And it doesn't need to be. It takes a lot of willpower to stay true to ourselves and to let others do things their way. Trust that other people are experts at running their own lives, making their own choices, even if you don't see the wisdom of it. You may not be holding all the cards. Let them go.

And have a laugh. I know I am for being such a muppet! (That post was almost too serious for my own good. Time to move on. Have a fab weekend!)

MOOODLIES...

Yay!! Today I can finally share with you the uplifting groovy news that I have been working with design star Joi Murugavell, of Joidesign in Melbourne, to create a very snazzy and most intriguing batty collection of work. Our collaboration name is MOOODLIES. Joi is a Pop-art artist, illustrator and web designer. Like me she has an art degree and many entrepreneurial years behind her. Her website is: www.oodlies.com

We have developed our first range of art designs. They are a Social Object, a story. They are cushions. The theme of our first collection is "Tea party": the getting-to-know-each-other phase, that works like an initiation ritual. The designs are brimming with whimsy as it is play, a poke for reminding us all not to take life too seriously. (Top picture shows a montage of small parts of our designs - we will show the full designs at a later stage...)

The cushions will have a hook on the back to actually physically hang them on walls. Therein lies the difference, the common place home decor accessory becomes the art work, the art work can also become integrated into daily lives instead of a more "revered" (and usually also hugely expensive) piece. Our designs are printed in a limited edition. We are currently in communications to organize an ideal Art Gallery in Dunedin to hold our first MOOODLIES exhibition. These are exciting times!

Mooodlies is about exchange, about ideas, innovation and... a lot of attitude.

(More on why our collaboration worked so well: read this fascinating theory here, a snippet below:)

"But now, thanks to the Internet, ideas can meet and mate globally and instantaneously like never before. What else is crowdsourcing but working with one another? The cross-fertilization of ideas between, say, Asia and Europe that once took years, decades, or centuries can now happen in minutes while Australia, the Americas, and Africa eavesdrop. The cloud is for everybody, whereas in the old days the sharing of ideas was reserved for the privileged elite. There is, as Stanford economist Paul Romer has argued, not even a theoretical limit to the number of combinations of atoms and electrons we can devise, and the rate at which we devise them is bound to accelerate.

Fasten your seatbelts."

And here is an Oodlie by Joi:

A moo design by me:

sign of the times

It can be very useful to write your way through the core values and practical aspects of your business. Finnish textile company Marimekko 's core values deeply resonated with me. 

• ethics
• genuineness and honesty
• freedom of creativity, courage and responsibility
• enthusiasm, commitment and goal orientation
• positivity, aestheticism

(They also have a fine Vision, Objectives, and Strategy - read here) 

I was talking to a friend a while ago about how we cannot change the people around us, or who we work with for that matter. What we can most certainly do is take the initiative and follow what we think is best. For my friend this meant resigning from her work as she could no longer support the way her workplace was being run. My husband is having an ethical debate at his workplace, also on behalf of his colleagues. It seems to be 'a sign of the times' for many to make new and conscious choices. A boss is no longer able to simply tell his (qualified) workers to do what they're told. Nowadays managers and leaders have to set an example, which usually means improving how they act. Naturally this creates obvious dilemmas as bosses are human. They have to inspire their work force, if they don't they will lose them. As someone put it to me: how can they expect us to do what they want, if they don't want to do the hard yards themselves, do not respect us nor our opinions and change the rules to fit their needs? The fact is de-motivated staff is dangerous territory.

Work has changed much from the perception of just earning wages that pay the mortgage to supporting some sort of cause or vision. We also have to be able to respect our bosses, the companies that give us work and our leaders. We do have a choice, and many employers don't realize this. Why stay in a situation we can change nothing about? It's a dead end. Once growth stops, it's game over. 

So, ending on a positive note: that what we can change, add upon, give our dedication to, what inspires us and fuels our passion; that we will stay true to and work very hard for. So there is good news after all. Work shouldn't be 'just' work, preferably it should be great fun and a passion to boot. What is yours?

An inspiring story about an ethical way to run a business is Bholu, read about that on my friend Lucy's website The Design Files here. 

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attitude

I write a lot about attitude. I think I do because I find it so fascinating that people's psychological outlook reflects directly on how their lives develop. I have found great joy and benefit in seeing people that have the same upbeat attitude I generally have. Recently I have noticed how some people I started to see less off are complaining and that they get upset when things don't work out the way they want to. From my own experience I can say that if you force your hand, or make demands on other people, it's definitely not going to take off. It will crash and burn. Results: zero.

On the other hand: if you share something of value with someone, and you know they have an interest in it, things can pick up and develop almost by themselves. I find it's definitely more preferable to meet people who are on the same wavelength and who are actually keen to work hard and enjoy what they do. It's not about fluffy positive thinking, it's about awareness. Choosing who you associate with is more important then you realize, so choose carefully. I try and see people who like to peek outside of their world and comfort zone. They know things I don't, which is cool and I always learn from them. I'm an inherent giver and like to help others out when I hear they are looking for something or someone particular.

Putting the effort and the belief in what ever it is you enjoy doing most, it will always grow. Sharing it in such a fashion that your gift is received happily and respectfully, makes all the difference. There is a time and place for everything, sometimes you cut yourself by wanting something to happen too quickly, or it runs away with you as the process is actually quicker then you are. Is it all linked with your attitude? You betcha.

"Share you ideas and work with those who you respect and want to learn from, if people are stuck in a set way of thinking, choose to keep your thoughts to yourself."

light shown: Alex Earl of Melbourne, Australia

Learning through Experience

Have you read the Secret and thought: presto, I’ll read the book, try and change the way I think and next I’ll:

• Be changed and all dandy: it's all attitude right?


• Win lotto!


• Find the perfect man/woman (you know they don’t exist right….. oh you still hope …ok )


• Retire and buy an exotic island and drink martinis


• Make millions with your own company


• Have the perfect figure and wear a bikini again


• Have a massive walk in wardrobe and lots of shoes. Finally.


• Learn many languages and travel and travel


• Live blissfully ever after.

But…. If you DO want to learn, how about listening to what the people around you think? (if they have the guts to tell you. They might and also say things which can surprise you.)

So here’s a fun exercise to learn how others view you: feedback
Select 3-5 people and ask them to send you a written reply and give them a promise you will not pummel them no matter what the outcome will be.

Questions to ask others who know you quite well:
1) If you look at my life up till now, what can I:
Be proud of? (Qualities, attributes, accomplishments)
Be happy or pleased about?
And why do you think that?

2) If you think about my future
What do you think would be good for me to experience in regards to:
Personal development,
Challenges to overcome and
Give time and attention to?
Why did you think that would be good for me?

3) Why do you think it could be hard for me to realize all the above?

So: do you really want to know what people think about you or rather not? Do you look in the mirror from time to time or does it freak you out? Do you want to know? Or happily not to? I think I'll try this exercise just for the sheer fun of it. There's always stuff to learn, whether it's about me or others as well. I don't know but I reckon it could be hilarious.

With many thanks to the Dutch magazine Flow and the website

www.debaak.nl If you need a coach (in Holland that is) go check them out.

Privacy Act

An interesting aspect to blogging is the ‘privacy act’. How do people know, and still trust you, for not spelling their name right out there along with all the private gory details?

Answer: restraint and integrity. I have been politely questioned about some of my blogs. What motivated me to write them and whether they were appropriate. The comments made were fair and funnily enough did not come from the cast involved. I do not see my friends, husband or clients as ‘blogmaterial’ even though some situations may arise that inspire me about a topic. So rest assured: it’s all censored!

With blogging it’s finding the balance between sharing stories readers can relate to but keeping it informative in a self development professional way opposed to turning it into a Tabloid. I may be a very open person and that’s dandy as long as I’m writing about me. Surprise surprise I’ve got ethics. Consider it Mirjam courtesy.

Why do blog? I like writing. Do I do it because I lack friends to talk to? No. For me writing things down help me make sense of what I see and I figured it could help others too. I like to do a bit of entertaining while I’m at it. I promise I will be decent about it, but I won’t make any guarantees on the profoundness of it all neither do I offer a 100% satisfaction rate. If you like what I write then that’s a bonus for me, not a requirement.

Motivation: drive or drivel?

We all lack the motivation for something sometimes, why is that? Mostly we lose the motivation at work, to do household chores, to visit family we’re not too terribly fond of, to go to a particular party or event. What makes motivation ‘drive’ or ‘drivel’?

A good friend of mine has lost motivation at her work a long time ago. She works in a bureaucratic institution and she told me her boss is a twit. She has no support from her colleagues at work. The directors seem to be taking work away from her, instead of giving her other tasks. The only reason she is there everyday is the paycheck she knows will help her family. She goes through ups and downs trying to keep going until she can pursue another career. How do we cope with being in an environment we do not feel to be inspiring? How much of that feeling do we contribute ourselves? How much of the depressing atmosphere is in fact of our own making? Is it no wonder people react to us the way they do if we’re in a negative state of mind a lot of the time?

Truth is: our attitude towards life (and work) is our own. I have found this even with my work. I really like my work and go through periods of inspired action but also through ones with tedious tasks where I wonder what the heck I’m accomplishing. I think everyone has these periods. I always find that it’s my own decision in fact to not let work or life inspire me. I may have been tired for a while, frustrated at lack of progress or amount of work.

Naturally the odds can be stacked against us or we can blame the recession again. This is called the easy way out. We did however choose to be in this life or work situation so why not stop complaining about it and change things up to the point you can? It’s easy to keep going on and on about a situation and bore your friends and family to tears. How about finding out what it is you can do within the limitations? Truth is others DO NOT care to hear about your complaints or worries. It’s not interesting. Just keep it to yourself and talk about something else instead. It works for me. Focus on what DOES work and what is fun. There’s always SOMETHING and the funny thing is: once you’ve changed your mind things start taking off again. They always do. It can happen in just a few seconds.

What you give attention to grows, what you give energy to expands. You might as well give your energy and attention to positive developments. If that all seems too trying think of this: there are so many people out there surviving on crummy wages and doing mundane activities yet they make the best of it. Most of us should be ashamed to rabbit on about how much 'hard work' our life is. My friend Miranda is happy to be getting up at 5 am every day and doing cleaning work at 6 am every day as she knows it will help her clear negative finances. She is on a mission and proud of it and so am I. The benefit of her work is that she has met a lot of new people that will become new clients to her in future. She sees it as an opportunity to do relationship building, in which she is very good. So out of something that could be uninspiring to the max, she has found a blessing.

So I guess my point is: all of us have a winge now and again. Once or twice is fine, but then it’s time to stop. Just make sure you realize you’re turning into a boring person if you keep at it and it’s not helping yourself at all. I got to the point when I had enough of listening to my inner jabber. I was disappointed with my own attitude. I tend to be a positive person and I was starting to depress myself. Then I had enough. Snap out of it before you stop liking yourself I thought. It worked.

Work is not life but it fills most of our day. We might as well love it. This is your life and your choice. Don’t wait for someone else to give you a solution, it won’t happen. Bugs Bunny is not going to visit and ask you how you’re feeling. Surprise yourself and others by being kind to them and asking them about THEIR day. It’s not all about you, it never was. Make someone else’s day better and you’ll see that your own will start to improve as well. "Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all folks!"

I received a lovely email from my friend Steve as response to my post:

"The main reason that motivation is hard or difficult to generate is that people do not get disturbed enough to change where they are at. With the example of ones job is their pay check and nothing else is more than likely that ones life outside the general 9 to 5 work day is this is all there is. This example unfortunately descibes the hypnotised robotic existance that is most of our lives. Statements like I get to go to work can change ones perspective and how you can look at the earning cycle. What is the earning cycle? Well lets break it down to needs and wants. Needs: we need to house ourselves, feed ourselves and clothe ourselves with the latter a more recent modern concept. Out side of these things there are wants so after we pay rent or mortgage, put adequate food on the table and make sure that we are coverd up appropriately when in public we have whatever is left. Maybe for a car, boat, fast motorcycle a holiday home, a cup of coffee from the local cafe. These are wants. Due to our wanting for something different(work conditions) something more (better pay) something extra (better service) we find ourselves in a state of disatisfaction. We feel that we have no choice. We think that by changing jobs that things will change and sometimes they do but not always.One las thing regading wants is, we all want to be happy and joyful and this can only really come from within. That mindset that when I do this or have that I will be happy. This is far from the truth as we still continue to look for that which will give us what we need from outside of ourselves, when the real truth is when we have different thoughts about something our perception changes and we have now the power to feel good."

Steve