All of us are in relationships, and they change and keep on changing. That is our only certainty. It's always interesting to see what happens between us and the other. Sometimes I see examples which make me think: why do we want the other to change or to give us what we need? Why do many of us need someone else to do something in order for us to feel better? What ever happened to our own responsibility to just try and sort stuff out or make ourselves feel good?
Many great and fun things have happened when we have decided to set the other free by not needing them to give us the outcomes we desire. Self reliance and self embracing to feel whole is beautiful. It enables us to look after ourselves, be proud of ourselves and from that place of strength we can do more then we could ever do before. It's not an egotistical thing I'm talking about. It's shifting the focus from 'help' to 'yay'.
In my book there is usually no loneliness. We are not in a sci fi movie or locked in a dark dungeon somewhere. There's much joy to be added to our daily lives, to our communication with others. Try not to force other people to be responsible for your happiness, as they are not. Only you are. Appreciation is a cool thing, give it a whirl and either consider to try meditating, walking your own dog or finding a way to get on with yourself as that is the person you'll always be talking to. If you make peace with yourself, you will find it surprisingly easier to be with others.
Many things in life are just fluff and stuff. Love is what makes the world go round. Really really. I thank a good friend of mine for sharing her story with me today, it inspired me to share the above movie with you. There's always hope, there is always love, especially when you least expect it.
I'm still enjoying my "welcomed" experience. Between Christmas and New Years I had a sudden moment of discovery. I could say that my current work has changed but that is untrue: I have. I have simply come to the realisation that a new journey awaits me. This is fine. It is more then fine actually. It's like when we're in school, we move up a class every year. We get to decide what subjects to take eventually and this is where it gets interesting.
Many of us have the tendency to contemplate, think or worry about our work more then we like. I find that halting the thought process and taking some time out can help in letting the unexpected surface. The time I did this was on my holiday, the epiphany (the idea and answer on what to do in my future) came to me. I had not pre-ordered it but was happily surprised all the same. It was when I was in the middle of bandaging up Harry's head (our pedigree Angoran buck). So even when one is standing in some poo and a puddle of blood, which I was, an answer can come us. That humours me. Our 'truth' will find us when we least expect it.
Does this realization mean I will desert my current employment? No. It does mean I'm doing my homework in guiding me in how to approach the next step. It would definitely be to stay where I am now until such time I get the sense it's time to move on. That won't be for at least half a year if not 12 months. I'm actually quite happy in my work once I stop resisting certain aspects of it. Again: my work had not changed: I have. We can get so caught up in expectations and 'should bes', whether it's other people's or our own. There is only allowing something to enter our life, to choose. I have consciously decided quite a while ago that I wanted to do something new and essential. It's not that this new experience would be better then the previous, just different. My predicament was that I was continuing to be stumped on what that 'new experience' would be. All I knew was that it was time for change as I could feel that in every fiber of my being.
I guess that when we try to control something, whether it's our life, or aspects of it like our job, that thinking or worrying about it doesn't help one bit. We have already made a decision, had an idea and it takes the 'mute' button to actually hear what solution is being presented to us. Isn't life fabulous like that? It's not you that captures the thought, it is the thought that captures you.
How the same are we? What do we share? Where do we overlap? What do we have in common? Things we ask ourselves on a daily basis when we talk to another person. Finding 'the common ground' is older then your grandmother. And wanting to belong and get noticed as well. That's like cave time territory all over again. Yet now we use different media to promote ourselves to the world and to connect to others.
Check out Youtube to find out how many people crave to be noticed. 'Yes I am unique'. Are you? Of course we're not. But we all like to think we are. Why? So we feel we matter. We all like to think we make some kind of difference, that we contribute, that we are here for a reason. Anything. Would we bother otherwise? Interesting question.
What compelled me to start this post about 'wanting to belong and matter' was just thinking of when goat Monty was first taken up in the goatie homeboys club about 3 months ago.
There was the first meet n greet (painfull), the surrendering to other's opinions (humiliating piddling ensued to establish submitting to the goat homeboys' power) the rules laid out (chewing of ears and sniffing the piddling), establishing hierarchy (how sad can it get) to absorbing the new member in the clan (disdained faces and some cold shoulders shown). Now this admittance ritual would put most of us humans in the depression corner. Seriously. But what happened? Due to Monty's bouncy nature he soon won the woolly critters over by playing with them. He started at the bottom with a 1 year old he shared bottom rankings with and worked his way up the ladder. Now he's head butting the 2IC and he gets away with it. Why? Because he's an excellent PR goat THAT's why. He decided to first adapt, but then to show his true colors and get accepted anyway.
Mind you another goat, a girl called Nerada, tried it a different way, she came in the new herd all huffy and waving her handbag about like a snooty Paris Hilton. It didn't work wonders for her, if anything she was rejected, and she had to learn to play nice to be accepted. She now hands out the occasional head butt to show she is strong but she receives treatment accordingly. Being different is one thing, throwing your weight around to establish your place is not socially helpful, neither for goats or humans.
I find it interesting how both animals and humans have these rituals and habits to establish themselves in a society group, to find their way. Some things never change, just the means to find a place in the world do. I like Monty's way of quietly testing the waters and deciding to have some fun with it. God knows the world is serious enough as it is.
Yes I'm back! Hurrah (tapdance and weird face pulling inserted here)
Many people ask: did you make new years resolutions? I did make a decision for 2010 that involves being more effective and coming to a solution regarding my work. Already I have had an epiphany I'm not ready to share yet. Just thinking and pondering about it makes me excited. All in good time.
Anyhoo: this year has started off fabulously because I'm happy. I'm having a great time with my beau, my canoodly pookems, my whimsy and wise love. I married him 2 years ago this Saturday and we seem to have tons of fun, especially in the holidays when we actually have time to not be serious and so responsible. (Having a farm and working hours in the city too carries enough weight - we have a resolution to get things done and ALSO be a bit nutty which ensures we lighten up and have a great time.)
Nico I love you and I look forward to many more times of cuddles, of ponderings, of just mowing the lawn or fixing a new gutter on a shed together. You are still the best man I've ever known, and that's saying something after being together since 1992. Yeeehaaa. ps: Yes yes I will make you some muffins again as you love them so much....
