beauty of disconnection

“Smile, breathe and go slowly.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh

Sometimes we take a while to figure things out, it might even be a few years or a decade. It's always interesting to me to see common denominators in various media, and in chats with friends. A while ago I wrote about our increasing difficulty to focus on anything for a longer period of time as we are distracted pretty much every minute. Today I read a post on Ivan Campuzano's blog who did an interview with Leo Babauta, creator of zen habits and mnmlist about a book about the VERY thing. It was written publicly, online, in small bursts, with feedback from readers throughout the writing process. I will share it on the right on my blog for you to read by downloading it for free (also you can find the link by clicking on the picture above).

I recognize myself in Leo's words here: "By focusing on one thing at a time, small changes, little baby steps, I’ve been able to change a bunch of habits: I quit smoking, started running, began eating healthier, started waking earlier, and became more organized. And I’ve accomplished a lot more, taking on one project at a time and using the power of focus and the power of play to accomplish things" How right you are Leo!

One of the things Leo mentions early on too is how beautiful it is to disconnect from the hubbub. I have found since we moved onto the farm out into the Wop Wops (a.k.a. middle of nowhere) that it's been easy and addictive to disconnect from the City, work and any general conundrum. It creates peace and the ability to find balance. My husband has found the same. We could not picture ourselves living in a city or town again, nor would we want to. We certainly feel blessed with where we are living.

Solitude can be a rare thing nowadays as it's harder to do and worse! anti-social. However, by choosing to pull the plug on social get togethers and remembering who you are and what you set out to do, it can be a very healthy thing instead. It is positive to meet and see uplifting people from time to time, just allow for time for yourself too. Claim your space to breathe and think, because trust me, others will always find something to distract you, whether they do it lovingly or not.

"This stuff works. And it’s tremendously liberating to discover that you can find focus, you can simplify, and you can change your life. - Leo"

Self doubt

We are in the habit of doubting ourselves. I thought I was running short of blogs..Running short?! How can that be with 35 blogs still to be published….. Even if I didn’t write for 6 weeks (!) I’d be dandy. Well that’s the benefit of working in advance I tell you. I was surprised that I had that many!
Getting back to the self doubt thing: Sometimes we can talk ourselves in to something or OUT of something. We sell ourselves short, we imagine things will happen that don’t etc and so on and so forth. Does this have to do with confidence? I think it has more to do with a reality check. Dreaming of achieving our goals is one thing, but we all like to anticipate in some form that we’ll actually make it.

I went through 5 website designs with Quality Living before I actually felt I achieved the result I was after. I took me a year and a half. Half of me was embarrassed it took so plippin long and the other half said, well c’est la vie. I work fulltime so can’t realistically expect my idea to fly and take off in a few months. I went through periods of frustration, teeth grinding, anger and doubt. When I finally made a resolution I’d no longer worry about the outcome but start with a clean slate it finally came together. Sometimes when you decide let go of the outcome the whole situation resolves. Magic stuff.

So when in doubt:
What’s the worst that could happen? Is it REALLY that bad/sad? No? Then dust yourself off and get on with it. Trust your own instinct and stop listening to others. It’s YOUR life. You know what to do. Trust that. What are you waiting for then? Go go go. And have a latte, and a muffin while you’re at it. Excellent.

Vacation?

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
(Seth Godin, in his latest book ‘Tribes, We need you to lead us.’)

People have the tendency to not make themselves responsible for their own lives. “No my boss made me work overtime and I hate what I do anyway so it all sucks” “My husband wants me to lose weight and that’s why I come to the pool every day to swim” “He never listens to me and I don’t feel happy in our relationship”. See what I mean?

Yes it’s human to have a good whine to someone else and say boohoo my life is so boring, tough, hard, difficult, lonely, unsuccessful, stressful, unsatisfying or un-fun (if you feel that way, that is). Problem is that IT DOESN”T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER to say these things to other people. Have you realized that?

I was feeling tired last week and had a whinge to my poor mum on the phone. It was so annoying! Basically I wanted a cuddle and for someone to say all right you lovely get of your bottom and get on with it. This is enough and you don't want to act this way. It’s fine to realize I had landed in the old trap again of wanting to achieve too much but the side effects are that it gives me the frusty dusties. So I decided to snap out of it before I had a chance to get the fever of the poor-me-disease. It’s no fun for people around me and it doesn’t get us anywhere EVER.

Right, here’s the recipe for battling boohoo-ness:

a) Give yourself a hug or ask your partner to provide you with a cuddle. (Take it easy on yourself)
b) Find out why you are feeling down, depressed, tired, disappointed, angry etc. Talk about it or write it down. Don’t take it out on others, find a boxing ball instead.
c) Start a diary; write things down often to get it out. That or see a therapist/counselor regularly. (I write this blog and find that helpful, if it’s very personal I write it in my own diary)
d) Start exercising, it gets the stress beasties out of your body and it’s good for the brain. Eat well to compensate for energy loss until you build up more stamina.
e) Team up with a good friend to establish your goals and follow up every week on progress. Share.
f) Don’t desire to do too much (I do and by crikey I’m a hard learner…) and nip perfectionism in the bud. It’s a right killer.
g) Don’t do ANYTHING someone else wants you to unless you want to do it also. Motivation goes down the gurgler if you persist and it causes resentment.
h) Practice your sense of humor. Remember to LAUGH. (Once we were funny, hang on how did it go again?)
i) Take up a weekly hobby or sport that makes you very happy. I absolutely LOVE dancing.
j) See friends and hang out. Enjoy dinners and playing with their kids.
k) Allow yourself to be lazy at times (this I find very hard, sleep in? Like WHEN?)
l) Stick to your new plan! Yeehaaaaaaa. = victory.

The truth is this:
Being grateful creates happiness. Appreciate what IS there, let go of how you think it SHOULD be. And: be patient, things will fall into place. Hang the frust dusty jacket or give it to charity.