cancer

"If you know your own light, why darken it? That is what cancer does."

What is cancer about. Did you ever wonder that? I do. Not the physical, not the blasting the body with chemicals story. I'm talking about the human experience of it. How can it get in a body in the first place? And if it's there, what can be done about it other then the usual scenario?

And... when someone has fought in their own fashion, trying to deal with their existence the best they can, and it hasn't worked out as they hoped (fortunately many do heal and recover) and they lie in the Hospice room waiting... and.. dying. What is there then? What is there to do?

"Let the guns fall silent. There is no more war.

No one is up in arms, but you.

To find rest, amidst your own Self, without pity,

But with great respect, is a good cause.

What would you say, if there was never any trouble,

Except that which you brought here yourself.

And that there need be no sorrow

As your heart can be free, anytime?

Shed the weight you deem to carry.

The burden is nothing but a stone around your neck.

It’s your choice to redeem your freedom. Now. And ever.

Be brave is not about how you face things,

you have the courage to face yourself.

All things considered, that is all there is. 

Look!

It is Love.

Staring you in the face. After all. At the end.

Embrace it.

You are home, brother."

~Gabriel

note: I have written this post also for my mum, who is thinking about this as she knows several people who are experiencing stages of cancer. Anyone we know, seems to know someone with cancer. It's not about the cancer itself, but how we treat the person.

trying too hard

Working hard can be useful. Working hard can be fun. Heck working hard can even be peaceful.

There is such a thing though as trying to hard:
Trying to hard to finish things when clearly time and energy are against you
Trying too hard to make it work with others when clearly it's not
Trying too hard when the marriage is over
Trying too hard to get people to like you when you're fine as you are
Trying too hard to make money when you're not enjoying the job
Trying too hard to juggle too many things
Trying too hard to make a point
Trying too hard to convince someone else. Why do you?
Trying too hard to get slim. Think healthy instead.
Trying too hard to keep all your promises.
Trying too hard to get "it all done".
Trying too hard to keep a clean house.
Trying too hard to ensure the kids grow up okay.
Trying too hard in bed.
Trying too hard to be funny.
Trying too hard to succeed. What is success anyway?
Trying too hard to "get ahead". What will you find once you have reached your goal?
Trying too hard to get time off.
Trying too hard to build your business. Live instead?
Trying too hard to fit in. Just do your own thing.
Trying too hard is... simply too hard!

So what is it with this hard business that we forget about the soft aspect? If you'd be too soft we would be in a very difference place right now. Yes it might look too pink and marshmellowy and society could slow down to a standstill... we could live in Barbapappa ville before we knew it. However it could be more pleasant. And we might notice what was actually already there.

So... are you trying too hard at the moment and need to mellow out or... did you get too soft to notice?

in the world

Once we discover

the power of freedom

not from others

but from our own expectations

Marvelous things happen

because we are free to shape the world

in to our image, into God's image

Being lost without is being lost within

Find the quiet

Meet yourself finally

so that again:

you can embrace that which you have forgotten

Meet those that are standing around you

And see that new light

and see that new self

Without trepidation

but with courage

smiles and laughter

Life is good then.

inside and out.

A world in a world

a micro in a macro cosmos

A small being breathing in a large

yet it is the same thing

Ultimately:

I'm 'you' and 'you' are 'me'.

we are part of each other.

Whatever shape we hold

at present

in the world.

beauty of disconnection

“Smile, breathe and go slowly.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh

Sometimes we take a while to figure things out, it might even be a few years or a decade. It's always interesting to me to see common denominators in various media, and in chats with friends. A while ago I wrote about our increasing difficulty to focus on anything for a longer period of time as we are distracted pretty much every minute. Today I read a post on Ivan Campuzano's blog who did an interview with Leo Babauta, creator of zen habits and mnmlist about a book about the VERY thing. It was written publicly, online, in small bursts, with feedback from readers throughout the writing process. I will share it on the right on my blog for you to read by downloading it for free (also you can find the link by clicking on the picture above).

I recognize myself in Leo's words here: "By focusing on one thing at a time, small changes, little baby steps, I’ve been able to change a bunch of habits: I quit smoking, started running, began eating healthier, started waking earlier, and became more organized. And I’ve accomplished a lot more, taking on one project at a time and using the power of focus and the power of play to accomplish things" How right you are Leo!

One of the things Leo mentions early on too is how beautiful it is to disconnect from the hubbub. I have found since we moved onto the farm out into the Wop Wops (a.k.a. middle of nowhere) that it's been easy and addictive to disconnect from the City, work and any general conundrum. It creates peace and the ability to find balance. My husband has found the same. We could not picture ourselves living in a city or town again, nor would we want to. We certainly feel blessed with where we are living.

Solitude can be a rare thing nowadays as it's harder to do and worse! anti-social. However, by choosing to pull the plug on social get togethers and remembering who you are and what you set out to do, it can be a very healthy thing instead. It is positive to meet and see uplifting people from time to time, just allow for time for yourself too. Claim your space to breathe and think, because trust me, others will always find something to distract you, whether they do it lovingly or not.

"This stuff works. And it’s tremendously liberating to discover that you can find focus, you can simplify, and you can change your life. - Leo"

Feng Shui

Today I am having a wonderful interview with an inspiring Parisian lady in San Francisco: Catherine Grison, Soul Artisan for People and Spaces. I have met Catherine through the inter-connective world that is Twitter. 

Catherine is a certified and stylish Feng Shui Master, and she implements this knowledge so she herself, and her clients and friends, can enjoy more joy, more abundance and also better health in their lives. Her credo is: "Life is not beige!" She founded Your French Accent, her “Decorator Extraordinaire and Beyond” consulting company in 2004.

Her website: http://www.yourfrenchaccent.com/ 

She says: "When I moved to San Francisco, 10 years ago, and began to work in the furniture industry, I was shocked to see that most people were "matching" sofas and chairs, "blending" neutrals. The only real colors in retail were mostly dark reds on leather library chairs. I was then working at the brand new Crate and Barrel Furniture store downtown San Francisco, in the fine furniture department.  To this day, I still remember how happy one of my customers was when he came back to me and announced: "I made it Catherine! I listened to you and I went for color! You can be proud of me!" He was holding a dark chocolate velvet pillow. Dark chocolate. To go on his all beige furniture...  I had envisioned a more powerful combination like a hot pink or spring green to make the room happen... However it was a start and I congratulated him! “

Why did you move from Paris to San Francisco?

I moved to California to live with the (American) man I loved and met in Paris. It was heart breaking to leave Paris. It took me 4 years to feel at home here. We did not live in San Francisco but in Pacifica, a secluded coastal small town. Too much water… Pacifica is gorgeous but I am a city girl. I need Fire. At first I thought I will not survive when I came to Pacifica. I could not even look though the windows: all these small houses and the big ocean were so lonely too me. I was looking desperately for high energy, crowds, and tall buildings! Despite my job in San Francisco, I felt so isolated, dying inside. Then step by step, I met incredible people, developed new true friendships. I began yoga, enrolled in a 3-year Feng Shui program which I graduated from and uncovered my spiritual path. I founded Your French Accent, my “Decorator Extraordinaire and Beyond” consulting company. I learned so much during these Pacifican years…

As soon as we (happily) divorced, I moved to Potrero Hill in San Francisco. Here I could reinvent myself again, open myself up to possibilities.

How did you get your business started?

It's different here, how things work, compared to Paris. When I arrived I did not want to go back to coaching without knowing the culture; it would not have been ethical. I started exploring… In Paris I used to work in management, coaching, training. I have a master’s degree in Communication, Linguistics & Training. I used to design programs, coach store managers, and train sales associates. So when I started working in San Francisco I thought: the home environment is the best place for me to understand the culture. When people buy furniture, they tell you their story. If they don’t, you are not a good listener! In the meanwhile I had entered a 3 year Feng Shui certification program. My clients were asking me to furnish more and more homes; the logical next step was to start a business.

What is important to you?

I use an integrative Feng Shui to help other people improve their lives, their health, their level of happiness. I used to be a more black & white person, sure of how things "had to be". I was a personal development fascist! My vision is far more flexible now. I try to help others grow, and myself too, what is very important to me. My clients say I am honest and straight forward. I see people from the inside, I do not sugar coat. I have integrity and also humor. A lot of my clients have become friends. My best advertisement is 'word of mouth', which leads to work. I'm a very pragmatic person with her 3^rd eye wide opened. I use my common sense and a pendulum too!

So what would be your Feng Shui advice for my readers today?

Any place is related to your life. Feng Shui means Wind and Water, the two elements which create life. Any place is a reflection of our own being. For example: I worked with a lady who had a 2 bedroom condo: she asked for decoration advice. The Lady did not want me to enter a particular room. Eventually I did see it and it was a disaster. It was filled to the brim with "stuff". It was very hard to walk around. The rest of the apartment was very tidy. It turned out that her father used to be living there, so she kept it closed, she didn't want to think about this room, let alone start cleaning it out.

The truth is that if you lock a door, the room is still there, and the emotions behind it are still there too. Blocked up areas will affect you mentally and your health, whether you realize it or not, whether you see them or not.

Keep only what is successful or enjoyable.  Always find ways to enjoy life. Many say it's good to do "this" after.... after what? There is NO after, there is just that what is now. I have a ritual called “The Past is over” to help people move forward, and step in their Present. Together we burn the past, literally. It is a very powerful ceremony!

My advice is that you need to use every room in the house, every object. You can't hide from yourself. Feng Shui and interior decorating is not about focusing on what's wrong, it's about improving spaces and thus improving your life in general. If you deny a piece of yourself, it's best to address it now, observe how you have treated your house and your rooms. It will tell you more than you think! So Feng Shui has a lot of hidden psychology embedded in the flow of the house. The key is to let the energy flow as best as it can. Avoid having sharp corners, add greenery, colors. Think symbols!

How can Catherine help us?

Now look around you! There is nothing quicker and cheaper than adding a layer of fresh paint to change the energy and the look of a room, whether in a home, an office, a business, a restaurant... And if you know somebody you love and who needs a lift, you can even gift my services. It may change a life!

Fortunately for all of us, Catherine does remote consultations. I thought it was a delight talking to her on Skype and having a real time conversation together. This means that you can email and skype her too, book a consultation, sending a floor plan and photos over for her to perform a full analysis and help you clear the areas of your life and your space that you have found troubling or difficult to organize.

Send her an email with any questions you may have, to ask for a quote: yourfrenchaccent@gmail.com

Check out her blog too: http://www.frenchshuicafe.com/ which she reorganizes now to provide more quick services and to-the-point advice, including spiritual guidance and deco tips, building also more global community…

You can of course “Like” Catherine’s services on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/CatherineGrisonYourFrenchAccent?ref=ts

http://www.facebook.com/FrenchShuiCafe?ref=ts

and follow her on Twitter:

@catherinegrison

@frenchshuicafe

snappy level

Funny. I was reading a post on Fastcompany.com on "why change is so hard" (link below). Getting to exercise every day can be hard or eating green veggies, having a baby cry all night or having to do things at work you don't feel like you want to. Everyone has different ideas about where their comfort zone is, what their routine consists of and how hard or easy it is to establish the desired change to improve behavior, habits or your life in general.


Research has indicated that we simply run out of self control, as our daily activities can be demanding and apparently there IS a limit to what we can do in a day. If we cross that barrier.... oh oh: time's up!
"Psychologists have discovered that self-control is an exhaustible resource. (..) I mean a broader sense of self-supervision—any time you’re paying close attention to your actions, like when you’re having a tough conversation or trying to stay focused on a paper you’re writing. This helps to explain why, after a long hard day at the office, we’re more likely to snap at our spouses or have one drink too many—we’ve depleted our self-control."
source: Fastcompany


I fully understand why my husband and I have come to grasp that it is holy mo folly to work 7 days a week, worry about establishing our farm properly, work a 9-5 and have other activities as well going on. I tend to monitor my "snappy level". If I have the tendency to bark I have crossed the line and I know I have to organize some happy self maintenance time. 


How comfortable are you? Have you measured your pulse lately?
.

It's about you

Seth Godin had another excellent point regarding the fact that to other people, it’s never about us, it’s all about them. We know this, but don’t always act on it. (I find it especially good to remember when writing a blog.) This is true in friendships, work relationships and others like talking to the neighbors. Of course it’s kind if someone’s actually interested in my life or in me as a person, but if I’m not bringing something of value or interest (also value) to the table, many people will get bored or annoyed and are more likely to leave me alone.

It's fun nowadays with superficial relationships (like the ones we enjoy online) and the real ones because: how can we tell who that someone in cyberspace really is? It will still be about exchange, about value and about assessment. I guess it’s all up to interpretation. Why do people listen or care? Because you add something. Offering value in some way always helps.

How then do you make a distinction between having a relationship, bringing knowledge, products, support or whatever to the table, and not being taken advantage off? This is one to check out. I’ve seen it before and I’m sure you have too. Not that I’m advocating you should put roadblocks in any relationship and ‘measure’ the give and take ratio, but I do suggest to be ‘aware’. Marketers know this, hard sales people do too. Pounce. Ouch. Whack with handbag in retaliation? No. You should have seen it coming.

When we are being nice we will have a very high change of being trampled on. This is clear as day. It’s good to remember to be less naïve, but still loving. There’s a difference between genuinely giving without expecting anything in return and to give knowing we are stacking up brownie points to get somewhere. Also there’s the thing about whether we demand things from others or if we nicely ask for it. The good ol’ famous balancing act is what it boils down to and the respect we have. Some people use the guise of friendship to clean you out. Others simply try and smooth you over until they no longer need your valuable assets. We learn from experience.

To me it always comes back to the following:

• What goes around comes around: people attract what they send out. Be the “most optimal” you can be and it will reflect well on you.
• If you’re being yourself and know where you’re at including setting boundaries it should be quite good sailing. Be clear to others and they are more likely to be clear to you. Well they have to don’t they?
• Never exchange or do business with someone you don’t trust or don’t even like.
• Always give people the benefit of the doubt but take the pink sunnies off. Everyone makes mistakes.
• Keep smiling but show yourself, there’s no harm in that. If you don’t have anything to hide then there’s nothing to be afraid of.
• Whatever you do: make sure you do a regular system check: make it neither too neurotic nor too fluffy ducky. The funny thing is that you don’t even have to say something sometimes: just backing off might be all it takes.
• Trust your instincts always. Any time I talked myself out of it, it turned out to be a mistake.
• Last one: we forget to like ourselves sometimes if we’re too critical. Love yourself in whatever way you feel best.

Have a life. It's worth having.

The positive aspects of light addictions

Mine are:

• Hugs
• Chocolate (especially mousse)
• Shoes (you know: heels!)
• Goats (witty and happy)
• My husband (genuine, honest and wise)
• Singing in the car
• Writing blogs
• Hanging out with positive friends (Cara, Susan, Steve, Bill to name a few)
• Pasta… of course!
• Dancing (whatever style)
• Me-time in the weekend (otherwise I go gaga)
  
  Note: by no means am I advocating pursuing dangerous inflictions on your digestive system or otherwise by becoming a negative addict. An addiction that is harmful to yourself can never be a good thing.
  

Recognizing positive addiction

How can you tell whether a favorite activity such as playing golf or working jigsaw puzzles has grown beyond leisure activity into a positive addiction? According to Dr. William Glasser, author of Positive Addiction, the activity gives you such happiness and confidence that you:

· spend about an hour most days engaging in it
· feel discomfort such as anxiety, sluggishness, irritability, etc. when deprived of it

Interesting. Now I haven’t read this book but yes I have to add an addiction to the above list as I forgot about it, can’t believe it.

The following I have found while doing a google

Differentiating positive and negative addiction

In Coping with Addiction, psychologist A. Tom Horvath defines positive addiction as one in which the benefits outweigh the price. Exercise might not always feel easy or comfortable and playing the guitar can cost you in equipment and callused fingertips, but those risks aren’t as weighty as the perks of good health, improved mood, coping with stress, etc. Horvath applauds positive addictions as healthy substitutes for those struggling with negative addictions such as smoking, alcoholism, gambling, etc.
Since Horvath asserts that addictions are considered negative when the price outweighs the benefit, applying this formula to your own habits helps you know if a positive addiction is no longer positive for you. Your habit that seems harmless might not be if it impacts negatively on your health, relationships or work.

Think about whether some of the following conditions apply to you:

· you find it impossible to take a break from the activity, even for illness, a family crisis, etc.
· you continue the activity against your doctor’s orders and jeopardize your health
· you’ve started to exclude other pleasures from your life (such as time with loved ones, other hobbies)
· the activity is all you think and talk about
· loved ones express concern about your behavior
· you are concerned about your behavior
· the activity dominates your life

Here are a few scenarios that might help illustrate when a positive addiction has turned negative:
· continuing to run after your doctor warns that your knee needs a break from high impact
· refusing a break from exercise, golf, gardening, etc. when you have a fever, flu or other illness that requires rest
· being unable to stop knitting or sculpting even when you develop painful carpal tunnel syndrome
· increasing the time you spend on the Internet to the point that your family feels neglected
· not being able to agree with your loved ones on vacation plans for fear that you won’t have access to your activity for 1 week

Resuming balance

If your passion is beginning to feel more like a prison, you’ll agree that it’s time to strive for balance. Sometimes you just can’t recognize how out of balance your life has become because of a habit until your loved ones complain about it. Ask those closest to you if they feel neglected or in any way concerned about an activity you consider a positive addiction. If you suspect that your good habit has gone bad, you can try the following:

· Moderate the activity—reduce the number of hours each week that you engage in it.
· Explore other interests that might meet the same need without threatening your health—replace running with biking or swimming; knitting with a craft that doesn’t bother your wrists; Web surfing with reading, puzzles, etc.
· Seek the help of a mental health professional if you fear your behavior is out of your control.

(Source info:

www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/covacare/Content.do?contentId=9705)

Well there you go! Monitor your chocolate intake…. And your work addiction. But that’s a story for another day. While I’m writing this I have decided I will go home and sing all the way home to my heart’s content. It won’t bother anyone as Nico’s taken our own car with me working late. Oh solo mio…… la la la la