trying too hard

Working hard can be useful. Working hard can be fun. Heck working hard can even be peaceful.

There is such a thing though as trying to hard:
Trying to hard to finish things when clearly time and energy are against you
Trying too hard to make it work with others when clearly it's not
Trying too hard when the marriage is over
Trying too hard to get people to like you when you're fine as you are
Trying too hard to make money when you're not enjoying the job
Trying too hard to juggle too many things
Trying too hard to make a point
Trying too hard to convince someone else. Why do you?
Trying too hard to get slim. Think healthy instead.
Trying too hard to keep all your promises.
Trying too hard to get "it all done".
Trying too hard to keep a clean house.
Trying too hard to ensure the kids grow up okay.
Trying too hard in bed.
Trying too hard to be funny.
Trying too hard to succeed. What is success anyway?
Trying too hard to "get ahead". What will you find once you have reached your goal?
Trying too hard to get time off.
Trying too hard to build your business. Live instead?
Trying too hard to fit in. Just do your own thing.
Trying too hard is... simply too hard!

So what is it with this hard business that we forget about the soft aspect? If you'd be too soft we would be in a very difference place right now. Yes it might look too pink and marshmellowy and society could slow down to a standstill... we could live in Barbapappa ville before we knew it. However it could be more pleasant. And we might notice what was actually already there.

So... are you trying too hard at the moment and need to mellow out or... did you get too soft to notice?

Truth

Nico

You have to speak your truth

It burns inside you

Alive and Thorough.

Speak.

let your deepest feelings take flight

let flow your intentions

let crumble the walls of deceit

What if all is fluid in motion.

Becoming clouds of focus

that will touch that which is afraid of you.

Remember why you came here

To discover you embody a lot more

then just Words

and just Deeds.

Stand now.

and Speak!

We will listen.

You are ready.

trust

So why do we have the tendency to take an expert's words over our own? How come we relate to something thruthful being expressed when it is not said by an expert? In short: why on earth would we have the tendency to take another's word over our own?

This morning I read both a statement saying: 'trust your own inner guidance system' and saw a youtube video of a 8 year old girl with a delightful opinion on how things are being done in Egypt. Many people related to both posts.

It appears we may find ourselves increasingly so in a time where we learn to trust our own wisdom more and more. Only those who are unsure venture out to get confirmation on that which they really already know to be true. (That or if you would find yourself in a position of being lost or clue less.) So how do we get clued in? How do we find that answer we are looking for? Google it?

Self empowerment start at the front door. It starts with the dawning realisation that all has changed, gone to custard or need re-alignment. People only change when they see the need to. Once through the door of realisation we come to the newfound understanding that indeed we are in the ''in between'' stage. We scramble, we muck around, we play, whatever fashion feels right to guide our akward feeling journey towards a new discovery. And then all of a sudden; there it is! An apple lands on our head or something equivalent happens. We know instantly what it is we need to do. No one can deviate us from this because it's one of those big ahas.

And when this happens to us, oh boy, miraculous things happen! We get new work out of the blue, we meet the right people to take us further, we simply focus more on something that inspires us and drives us on, we simply as they say "just go for it".

So who is the best expert about what you should do on any given time? There you are!

creativity

Last week I have spent working on several projects, none of which I can tell you much more about right now, except that the design work I have done for them is great fun and looks wonderful! One is a collaboration project which has had surprising and absolutely kick ass results. So the trick is to be self propelling and self motivated to create. I find this aspect one of my greatest assets.

I designed a side table last week that is also a light. I am positively having itchy fingers to start making it. I had the sudden inspiration after having flicked through a commercial furniture supplier's brochure that arrived in the post. It showed many works from the latest Milan show and I looked at a few shapely curves on furniture that sparked the idea, but none of them were also lights. That only came about after I had started drawing up the table as we need one at home. 


As it was I ended up having to park my side table idea on the weekend, as we have a farm and responsibilities that come before any arty farty time. So now I am thinking on how to get the material for this side table to the farm and then when to start whipping it up. Exciting! My plan is to make one out of mdf or equivalent to see if the design works, and then to sell the plans of it so anyone with some DIY tools can make it too. Cost effective design piece and "green" as it's up to the 'builder' how to finish the design.


So how can any of us be more creative and also; find time for ourselves to make things?
I find this time thing the hardest: basically I'm currently left with only the evenings. (And that's how some people who know me say I am barking mad because I do too many things. I have too many ideas and I often feel like a gas bottle under pressure.)


I also figured out that in order to create "me-time" I had to get better organized. I bought a desk that now more effectively stores my paperwork. This way I can open the mail in the 
evenings for example and tidy the bills and information away quickly, taking only 5 minutes, which means I don't have to sit down and go through all that jazz one day a week which would cost me more time when I'd rather be doing something else. I also have an effective system with feeding the animals twice every day as that is my responsibility and I try to fit in other activities during the week as well so I don't have to in the weekend. It can be quite the juggling act, but really: instead of watching tv for 2 hours every night I could be doing something else instead.


Sparking your creativity:

• get paper out on a table and any pens, paint or whatever you find easiest to work with and just get cracking. I have used ballpoints a lot in my day and it works for me. You don't need fancy materials to draw your ideas down.
• is there anything in your house or room that you've been wanting a solution for? Write down a few things and make some sketches. Start drawing.
• magazines and websites: create a clippings book and bookmark your favorite sites. Compile sketches. I see many things every day and my brain stores the images as I have a visual memory. Things can pop up at the craziest times, but it is handy to have an actual reference.
• nature; there are so many things to see and admire out there in the world, whether it is the surprising and silhouetted shape of trees or a concrete jungle sparking graffiti.
• collaborate: do you know any one who is as crazy as you? Talk to them and see if they're game to start up a project together. This way you learn from each other and it's simply great fun.
• do a course if you feel that you require direction to focus your abilities. You also get to meet others which is inspiring in itself.
• write down your ideas. I find if they're still cool after many months, you're onto something. I have a whole folder stuffed with ideas; ranging from bedlinen designs, to lighting, to rough cabin designs and interior design schemes. I am unable to work on them right now so I have to choose, leaving 90% sitting in this folder. They could be of use later down the track.
• never say die. If you feel something bubbling inside of you, don't ignore it. Drag a notebook in your bag with you, store things on your computer if thats' easier for you, put clippings in your diary and add them to your sketchbook at home. Just keep at it. It's worth more to you then you may realize now.

picture above: a sketch design of mine: down-under cuisine 2010

speed of life

I'm SO enjoying reading positive things people are doing, whether it's a new start up, a transition with work, a change altogether or moving house. Truth be told the last 6 weeks if not more have been very very changeable. Many things have happened in my world and my whizz brain is still filtering some of it, I have started new endeavors with people and I'm generally much looking forward to what will happen next! A whirlwind of activity. It gets me excited! And more excited!


At the same token I received an email last night which got me thinking about the following. How would YOU respond if you had a dream, vision, startup, goal, ambition which has taken off and this would happen for example:

• some of your friends are getting a bit funny with you as they see you grow and find it hard to accept that fact as they seem to be stuck?
• your partner or family is not fully supporting your ambition and keeps coming up with "sensible" reasons to ward you off track and keep you where you were?
• your current employment has lost all its fizzle and you are actually rather be considering ANY other job then this before you can do what you love 24/7?

My point is that being hampered by people trying to put brakes on your speed of life is not only a turn off, it's silly. If a tsunami is coming little difference will be made with a wall built at the bottom of the hill. That water is coming one way or the other. Realize why those attempts at wall building are being made and recognize it for what it is: it's not your wall so press on regardless. You can be respectful in the process. Do ponder things to ensure you are not just being stubborn and above all else: don't get rude, play it nice. Or my credo: "be wise and shut up".

The aforementioned attempts at roadblocking are more likely to only make one more determined to succeed as it confirms our desire to get there. Now, I'm a big fan of pursuing and I'm less a fan of paperwork and finances. Or so I thought, which means I put my own roadblock in there for years. Once I decided to change that it's actually become more interesting and inspiring. How funny is that!

The trick is to be:

1. clear on your goals, have a time-frame and deadlines
2. have your finances in clean order (a good accountant helps too)
3. have a business plan (I'm working on one for Bonvivant now)
4. get a new support team if the current one is faltering should you need it
5. stick to your guns if you know in every fibre that you need to do this
6. start a mastermind group to help others too
7. get a life and enjoy something else that isn't work or your passion-passion > energy
8. remember to stay in touch with people who you love

So what are you working on right now?

the when

I came accross this insightful question today, I just had to share as it resonated with me:

"One person once said it's time to move when the answer is no longer yes to these questions:


1. Am I doing good?

2. Am I challenged?

3. Am I learning? "

(Now maybe I'm the only one excited  about this. Fact is: many things are so frilly simple, but we usually don't see it as such. It's so nice to see it concised don't you think?)
So now you know what to do. Plan your next adventure today.
 
With thanks to Kate Robins the fabulous PR lady on Linkedin.
Her websites: http://turningpointeri.com/
http://mysticballet.org/site/the-company/
http://www.saltmarshopera.org/
.

Motivation: drive or drivel?

We all lack the motivation for something sometimes, why is that? Mostly we lose the motivation at work, to do household chores, to visit family we’re not too terribly fond of, to go to a particular party or event. What makes motivation ‘drive’ or ‘drivel’?

A good friend of mine has lost motivation at her work a long time ago. She works in a bureaucratic institution and she told me her boss is a twit. She has no support from her colleagues at work. The directors seem to be taking work away from her, instead of giving her other tasks. The only reason she is there everyday is the paycheck she knows will help her family. She goes through ups and downs trying to keep going until she can pursue another career. How do we cope with being in an environment we do not feel to be inspiring? How much of that feeling do we contribute ourselves? How much of the depressing atmosphere is in fact of our own making? Is it no wonder people react to us the way they do if we’re in a negative state of mind a lot of the time?

Truth is: our attitude towards life (and work) is our own. I have found this even with my work. I really like my work and go through periods of inspired action but also through ones with tedious tasks where I wonder what the heck I’m accomplishing. I think everyone has these periods. I always find that it’s my own decision in fact to not let work or life inspire me. I may have been tired for a while, frustrated at lack of progress or amount of work.

Naturally the odds can be stacked against us or we can blame the recession again. This is called the easy way out. We did however choose to be in this life or work situation so why not stop complaining about it and change things up to the point you can? It’s easy to keep going on and on about a situation and bore your friends and family to tears. How about finding out what it is you can do within the limitations? Truth is others DO NOT care to hear about your complaints or worries. It’s not interesting. Just keep it to yourself and talk about something else instead. It works for me. Focus on what DOES work and what is fun. There’s always SOMETHING and the funny thing is: once you’ve changed your mind things start taking off again. They always do. It can happen in just a few seconds.

What you give attention to grows, what you give energy to expands. You might as well give your energy and attention to positive developments. If that all seems too trying think of this: there are so many people out there surviving on crummy wages and doing mundane activities yet they make the best of it. Most of us should be ashamed to rabbit on about how much 'hard work' our life is. My friend Miranda is happy to be getting up at 5 am every day and doing cleaning work at 6 am every day as she knows it will help her clear negative finances. She is on a mission and proud of it and so am I. The benefit of her work is that she has met a lot of new people that will become new clients to her in future. She sees it as an opportunity to do relationship building, in which she is very good. So out of something that could be uninspiring to the max, she has found a blessing.

So I guess my point is: all of us have a winge now and again. Once or twice is fine, but then it’s time to stop. Just make sure you realize you’re turning into a boring person if you keep at it and it’s not helping yourself at all. I got to the point when I had enough of listening to my inner jabber. I was disappointed with my own attitude. I tend to be a positive person and I was starting to depress myself. Then I had enough. Snap out of it before you stop liking yourself I thought. It worked.

Work is not life but it fills most of our day. We might as well love it. This is your life and your choice. Don’t wait for someone else to give you a solution, it won’t happen. Bugs Bunny is not going to visit and ask you how you’re feeling. Surprise yourself and others by being kind to them and asking them about THEIR day. It’s not all about you, it never was. Make someone else’s day better and you’ll see that your own will start to improve as well. "Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all folks!"

I received a lovely email from my friend Steve as response to my post:

"The main reason that motivation is hard or difficult to generate is that people do not get disturbed enough to change where they are at. With the example of ones job is their pay check and nothing else is more than likely that ones life outside the general 9 to 5 work day is this is all there is. This example unfortunately descibes the hypnotised robotic existance that is most of our lives. Statements like I get to go to work can change ones perspective and how you can look at the earning cycle. What is the earning cycle? Well lets break it down to needs and wants. Needs: we need to house ourselves, feed ourselves and clothe ourselves with the latter a more recent modern concept. Out side of these things there are wants so after we pay rent or mortgage, put adequate food on the table and make sure that we are coverd up appropriately when in public we have whatever is left. Maybe for a car, boat, fast motorcycle a holiday home, a cup of coffee from the local cafe. These are wants. Due to our wanting for something different(work conditions) something more (better pay) something extra (better service) we find ourselves in a state of disatisfaction. We feel that we have no choice. We think that by changing jobs that things will change and sometimes they do but not always.One las thing regading wants is, we all want to be happy and joyful and this can only really come from within. That mindset that when I do this or have that I will be happy. This is far from the truth as we still continue to look for that which will give us what we need from outside of ourselves, when the real truth is when we have different thoughts about something our perception changes and we have now the power to feel good."

Steve

What do I know?

Agreed I know some things. I know other people know things. We all do, but they are different things. This is when it starts to get fascinating.

The funny thing is that one person can’t assess the quantity of what another person knows. Why? Because you can’t look in their brains and you do not have access to their private password to subject their inners to investigation and do some prying. Which is a good thing. Each person’s private thoughts and experiences are their own.

It’s good to realize that you do NOT know everything too. If you did there would be no room for exploration. Why would you want to do anything as after all, you already know everything. It sounds so mundane to me. Would God be bored to bits? She’s probably having so many laughs up there.

I think that one of my charming qualities is the fact I confess openly about not knowing everything. There. That’s the secret. Confess, get the word out and there’s no need to impress, convince or hide inabilities. Not that it would matter anyway, because HOW you do something and WHY is really only important to you isn’t it? If I get pressured or forced by other people into learning something because they think I should for one reason or another I can get annoyed. I can dig my heels in. It’s not the best of traits. If I see the valid point in learning something I’m very happy to get going. I’m self motivated but it has to make sense to me in order to do it.

Some things I do know about (ask me about crop circles, I used to be an expert on the things, back in the days before it became a hype) and I know nothing at all about piloting planes or how to make a roast (Nico’s department which cracks up the neighbors).

So getting to the Knowing; is that about information in your brain or about how you do things? Is it the experience or the theory that creates The Know. Personally I vote for experience. I mean you can read about the technicalities of driving a racecar but it wouldn’t give you a clue about what the experience can be like and how you keep the car on the track does it? The Knowing is in the Doing. It’s literally Know-How.

What I’m learning at the moment is learning how to swim Freestyle (in Dutch: borst crawl). Apparently this type of swimming is taught to kids at school in New Zealand. In the Netherlands this isn’t the case for the basics. When I was a child there were the levels, A, B, and C. You guessed it: I managed to get the basic A and that was it. There were horrifying teachers and I hated every moment of it. If I enjoy anything I will do well. When I don’t enjoy something I do average and either improve it or accept this. Most people work that way I’m sure, picture screaming kids who are dragged to piano lessons and so on and so forth. I don’t like accepting average though. I get a bit funny that way.

Yes I can do an absolute brilliant job thank God. When I’m motivated and have a bit of a knack for it. With the swimming I start to feel I actually belong in that water instead of being thrown in and making the best of it. The lifeguard was very friendly explaining the sideways breathing. Once I stop taking in as much water as I do air it will be more fun. For now, I’m learning and gaining experience. And sticking with it because it’s becoming fun instead of a struggle.

In order to improve Knowledge and Experience one has to be motivated. It’s easier to learn if the subject interests you. Have you thought about why it’s easier for you to learn tai chi then it is to play chess? It may be a shame to not get past the barrier and give up before hand. Decide whether the goal is worth wrestling through the ‘hard stages’ for. If all fails then at least you know you’ve tried and you can make it into a good story